Dancing with fire. [A Severus Snape fan fiction]

Heavy hearts

Phoenix

The enormity of Severus' confession was starting to sink in and I felt like bursting into tears. I felt numb. I didn't know what to do. I had no lessons until 11am so I decided to head out for a run.
The wind was howling by now but I didn't care. I pushed myself harder. My legs were burning with fatigue, but still I pushed on. As I reached the Black Lake I felt the tears come. Once I started, I couldn't stop. Hot, angry tears coursed down my cheeks. Every breath in felt like a dagger in my side. To be honest, I wasn't even sure why I was crying. I just felt so damn sad. I loved this man. I had known it from the start. But he had betrayed my trust. He went completely out of his way to avoid me finding out about his past. I couldn't even begin to comprehend his actions. I was starting to regain control of myself, so I kept taking deep breaths and slowed myself to a walk. I doubled over, my hands were digging into my thighs as a pain shot through my side. I had over done it. I turned and limped slowly back to the cottage. I was actually reveling in the pain because it distracted me from the turmoil which was flooding my heart. As I closed my front door I glanced around my home. Dumbledore had put so much effort into this, I thought absent mindlessly. I walked through the kitchen and into my bathroom. With a swish of my wand the tap started spouting red, hot foaming water. I stood watching swirls of steam rise slowly from the tub. I couldn't wait to get in. As I slowly peeled my layers of clothes away I could feel the invisible weight of everything that was crushing me begin to lift. I climbed into the bath. The water was burning hot but it didn't bother me. I slipped into the rapidly rising water and breathed a huge sigh. I turned the tap off and slowly submerged myself under the water. I could feel the heat penetrating my aching muscles and it felt so good. My mind was beginning to clear. I led in the boiling water feeling like I didn't have a care in the world. Then I glanced at the clock on the wall. It read 10.20am. I sighed. I had my first year six class at 11am. Today I was going to introduce them and all my classes to Latin dance, in an attempt to bring something special to the Christmas performance. But how on earth was I going to get into the romantic frame of mind which Latin dance required, when I felt so romantically exhausted? I closed my eyes and slowly counted to ten. "Come on Phoenix, get yourself together." I whispered into the steam filled bathroom.

Severus

I had been thinking of Phoenix all morning. My chest ached with longing. I knew I had blown it. She would never want to see me again, and I couldn't blame her. I should have been honest from the start, but I was too cowardly. Now I had lost the only ray of sunshine I had in my pathetic excuse of an existence. As I sat at the teachers table playing with my lunch, I waited with baited breath for a glimpse of her. Not surprisingly, she never showed up. I had never felt so lost and empty. My entire body was numb. I didn't feel like eating, so without looking back, I slowly made my way to my classroom. With each step, my hopes and dreams for my future with Phoenix slipped away from me, and for the first time in years, I longed for an end to this torture I called my life.

Phoenix

I hadn't intended to avoid Severus, but I was glad to have avoided him all morning. I was still struggling to wrap my head around his confession. Everytime I thought about this morning, my temper would flare. How dare he keep such important details like that to himself? I mean I can understand it to some degree, but the fact that, he actively went out of his way to cover up the mark AND lied about it, really upset me. I had laid everything bare for him to see. There was nothing that could possibly effect our relationship. I was walking towards the great hall thinking about lunch, then stopped. It dawned on me that I really couldn't face seeing him. So instead I jogged back out into the entrance hall and headed towards my cottage. I knew I had to face the music eventually, but right now, I just didn't have the heart.