Her story

Leave me alone!

I just want it to stop. All of it. I wish I had never met Katt. She's making my life a living hell. She torments my thoughts and haunts my dreams. There is nothing I wouldn't give to get her out. Out of my head, out of my life. 

She makes me feel the pain she has felt, all these years. I'm terrified to close my eyes every night. But when sleep finally takes over me I can't help but scream and scream. She tortures me. Literally. Whenever I drift off into that other world I find myself strapped to a cold metal table.

I'm alone for what feels like hours until I hear a door open. My dreams have never been so vivid, so real. I start to cry and beg her to let me go. She simply shakes her head and smiles. She tells me I have to know the pain, the fear, the horror, I have to experience it first hand to be able to tell her story.

And oh does she try to make me feel the way she does. I don't know how I can be asleep for so long. 6 hours feels like 14. I scream over and over again, every time she adds to the pain. Weather she uses a knife, a lighter, bugs, electricity. She makes me feel pain in a dream that is nearly unbearable.

When I wake up I find myself checking for all my limbs and fingernails, in fear that the torture became that much more real. I wake up half way through the night, horrified that I was only asleep for a couple hours.

She used to be my friend, now she's my worst nightmare. I can't get out. She's so far in my head I can't separate my thoughts from hers. 

I miss my life. She's making me push friends away, push everyone away..

My parents look the other way, giving up. No one can see its not me anymore, that I can't control whats happening. She has wove herself into every fiber of my being. I'm never alone anymore, but yet I have never felt more lonely. 

Why won't anyone help me. I can't stop. I tried not telling her story. I thought that the pain would be enough to kill me, making me fall to my knees in the middle of my kitchen. 

She doesn't just exist in my dreams, I let her in, now shes part of me.

All I want is my mind back.

But I fear its too far gone.