pretty boy | taekook

going home

chapter thirty-three ;; going home
jeongguk's perspective
°☆.。.:*・°☆

"Are you tired?"

"Yes."

"Do you wish to sleep?"

"No."

"Do you want to eat?"

"No."

"Are you upset?"

"No."

"Are you okay?"

"Not one bit."

Taehyung sighs and wraps his arm around my waist, doing all he can to draw me closer as my body's practically numb. I did nothing to lean into the loving touch. I didn't want to do anything at all, "Tell me what's wrong."

My face remains slack and showing no emotion, just like how Yoongi's did. It must've been hard for him to keep all that information on his shoulders. In all honesty, I couldn't blame him for snapping like he did. I'd snap too. My mind was stupid. It always blocking out the red flags. Learning Seokjin lost Namjoon over his feelings for me shouldn't of had come as such a surprise. I only taught myself to excuse a relationship of empathy and understanding for one of want. It had really changed my perspective on things. Like Yoongi had said, I was only a trophy for a game.

"Is what Yoongi said true? Does- Does Seokjin really like...me?" My tired and sad eyes glance over at Taehyung who's face was grim. He didn't have to answer. His face said all it needed to, "Did Seokjin and Namjoon really end things because of me?" Once again, the silence Taehyung sends is the only answer I need. My head falls into my hands, letting out a shaky breath, "I- I've ruined everything..."

"That's not true, Guk. You haven't ruined anything. Things happen for a reason, remember that." Taehyung says, trying to reassure my aching heart. I was far too into the deep to be pulled out now. There is nothing he can say to bring light to the darkness that I currently am. Taehyung told me he likes the darkness rather than destroying it with light. That must be why he's still somehow not giving up on me.

"I hurt Seoyun by taking you away from her." I mumble, staring down at my legs lightly swung off the side of Taehyung's bed, "I hurt Yoongi because he had to tell Hoseok how he feels to be with Jimin, but Jimin's still into me." His grip loosens, finally paying attention to my almost inaudible words followed by soddened cheeks, "I hurt Namjoon by Seokjin finding interest in me. It's all my fault. If I'd just stayed to myself and not befriended any of you-"

"Stop." Taehyung seethes with dilated eyes, "Stop thinking so poorly of yourself."

"I'm not thinking poorly of myself. I'm speaking the truth without the bottle." My fingers play together, picking and creating knots. It was all too much for my liking, wanting to crawl into a hole and die. Only if I could go back in time and not go to that football game, "It's all my fault. I regret everything-"

"Shut up!" Taehyung shouts, hands formed into tight fists. His knuckles were white with a head held low. He quickly looks up to meet my scared eyes, "Shut up, shut up, shut up." Taehyung continues and stands up from his bed with disbelief, "Do you not know that I'm right here?" His voice was hurt, cracking at the end, even though there were no evident tears falling down his beautiful face, "What you're saying is that you regret me?"

"N-No!" I cry out, not wanting him to get the wrong idea.

"That's exactly what it sounds like." He shakes his head at me, "I get it, Jeongguk. You're mad at yourself for causing such a chain reaction, but when it starts making you regret all that has happened, it really fucking hurts."