Pen Pal Project [Alex Gaskarth]

Chapter Twenty Nine

My mood didn't pick up for the rest of our stay.

I tried so hard to put on a smile and act like I was happy, like I was okay. But inside, I felt like I was empty.

We ran into Clarissa and her family twice before they left. And both times seemed to just darken the cloud that hovered above me, until I was sure that it was a pitch black.

The group paid no mind to my snappy moods, all of them pinning it down to me 'just being a teenager'. I was left alone in my sour moods.

I didn't cry as much after the first night. I cried twice, maybe three times after that. It was the morning before we were due to leave did Alex really pay attention to my bad mood.

"C'mon kiddo, we've got some time to kill before-"

"I don't want to go. Leave me alone." I grumbled into my pillow, letting my eyes fall shut.

"If you're no up for the walking, we can-"

"Just leave me alone, I don't want to do anything." I cut him off in a snippy tone. He moved to sit on the edge of my bed, his hand resting on my shoulder. I didn't shrug him off.

"What's going on Charlia? You've been in such a bad mood the past few days, and now you don't want to go outside whilst we're at Disney. Talk to me?"

I almost whined into my pillow, and he took it as a rough translation of 'fuck off'.

"Charlia, what has gotten into you?" I didn't know how to word my heartbreak without upsetting him.

So I stayed quiet. Alex got the message I wasn't ready to talk yet, so we spent the morning in my room; me lay under the covers and Alex lay next to me.

The others didn't bother us. They left sometime before lunch and it was just after midday that I finally moved. Alex followed me like a lost puppy, making sure that I was okay. I understood his concern, and it finally caused me to sigh.

"I'm sorry." I muttered and he pulled me into a hug. We were currently curled up on the couch.

"Why with the mood swings, little bird?" I hesitated before sighing.

"They got it all. They have the loving parents who care, the perfect family life with both parents going to the ends of the earth it seems. Why did she just leave me there? What did she gain from just leaving me abandoned like that?" A look of understanding crossed Alex's features and he sighed.

"You can always ask her, spend a day with just her?"

"But I don't want to!" I burst out angrily. Did he not get how upset she'd made me feel? "I don't want to know this version of her because that woman isn't my mother." I snapped and he hesitated, clearly being careful with his words.

"You might not want to, but you need to understand to help you move through this, Charlia."

"No."

He rolled his eyes at my response.

"Why does she get her happily ever after? Why didn't she take me back?" I whispered eventually and Alex kissed the top of my head. I felt a little bit broken.

"You've got yours with me, don't you forget that Little Bird." He whispered and I finally cried.

"I'm sorry, I just didn't think I'd see her, or her family. I know you've been so good to me, I'm sorry." I babbled out through my tears. Alex laughed as he held me tightly.

"Charlia, you're a teenager with cancer who's run into her birth mother with her new family. You're allowed to feel emotions." He explained and I shook my head slightly.