Pen Pal Project [Alex Gaskarth]

Chapter Twenty

I felt the breath get caught in my throat as she spoke those words. It was like a knife in my chest.

It was surely fates cruel idea of a joke. Give me everything I ever wanted as a child and then rip it away from me once I had it all.

She was talking, but I couldn't hear her. The same word kept ringing over and over in my head.

Cancer.

Was I going to die? Was there a reason for it? Why did I have it when I never smoked? So many questions went through my head and I felt like I was going to be sick.

"We're discharging you today, but I'll need you back in the next week or so, so we can discuss your treatment. You will beat this Charlia, I promise." Her promise felt like empty words.

Alex hadn't moved and that scared me. Would he just abandon me? Take me back because of this? Each question brought on a new one and the fear became ooverwhelming and suddenly it was hard to breathe and the room became loud.

I felt a set of arms around me and the smell told me that it was Alex, but I felt trapped, I felt like I couldn't breathe, so I pushed him away with shaking hands.

"Charlia, I need you to listen to me and take slow deep breaths. You're having a panic attack and I need you to slow down your breathing. In and out, in and out." I followed the pattern and I soon realised that the loud noise in the room was me.

I was sobbing.

Only when I calmed down enough did I look up and Alex was standing next to the bed, his eyes not leaving mine.

"I'm scared." The words tumbled out and he said nothing as he pulled himself up onto the bed. Instinctively, I curled into his side, my arms wrapping around him.

"I know, but we'll get through this, I promise." He whispered softly, kissing my forehead.

Not much longer after my panic attack, the Doctor came back in and started to talk through treatments and therapies. We quickly agreed to go head on and within the space of an hour, I was booked in for my first Chemotherapy session, as well as a therapy session.

I was discharged, clinging to Alex for dear life. He didn't complain nor did he push me away. Instead he held me closer. Rian and Cassadee offered to take us home and so we sat in the back.

"We need to tell the others. I, I need to tell, to tell," The words were getting trapped between the sobs and Alex meerely shushed me, claiming that the worry needed to be saved for later, that for now I just needed to process and calm down.

And he was right.

I couldn't get my head around the fact that I had cancer. And Chemotherapy meant that I was going to get weak, I was going to lose my hair.

The thoughts triggered more tears and Alex simply held me.

By the time we got home, I had calmed down a lot. I was able to take deep breaths and not feel like my chest was collapsing in on itself.

"Do you guys want us to stay for a bit?" Alex looked at me for my answer and I thought about it. Did I want someone other than Alex seeing me have a complete breakdown.

But they will only support you, and stop you from making rash decisions. The rational side of my brain argued and I sighed.

"I'm happy for you to stay. I kinda want to talk about things and I guess your input is as good as anyone elses. But, we, we need to tell Zack and Jack first. No one else. I need to, I need to-"

"We understand." Rian cut off my words as they became increasingly difficult to get out.

Alex wasted no time in pulling his phone out and tapped away at the screen.