The Mistakes We Make

Chapter 11

   I looked at Koda. Who was on the ground with Sitka's head on his back. I had a cup of green tea in my hands and my knees to my chest. I was watching as Dylan's mom, Annie, mess with the garden. Gina sat next to me in a crop top in a pair of black sweats with coffee in her hand. I was super jealous. While I was allowed one cup I chose to just go ahead and cut back."What's on the agenda for today?" I asked.

"Just getting my stuff from my house to here. Next, we're going to the park to get that frozen yogurt at Hillside.  Lastly, we're going to work out what we're going to do about the next year. We need to get plans started school starts soon and you're already showing" I looked down at my belly she was right. I put my hand on the small bump and took a deep breath looking back at Annie as she rearranged the flowers to see if she liked it better. Then I realized what Gina said. 

"We?" I turned her more and sat the coffee on the table."What do you mean we?" I asked. 

"CJ whether you like it or not Dylan and I are helping you every step of the way. You're not going to be alone in this. You have more people with you than you think."

"Gina-"

"No." She pointed her finger at me and I just narrowed my eyes at her."Now, this week we're working out the birth plan. I've done a ton of research and found a few movies. I think you should do a home birth. We could get a midwife and get a tub. You could give birth here instead of a hospital where you're just going to end up in a C-section because of the drugs they put in you to 'help' your birthing process." Gina rolled her eyes. I stood mug in hand ready to leave this conversation. I wasn't far along enough to think about nor ready enough to think about it. I've know for such little time I'm still getting used to the idea of a small human actually coming out of me.

"That's it I'm taking your laptop away. Stop with the research." I started walking away to go back into the house and I could hear Gina behind me.

"No! I want to know what's going on. You should too."I rolled my eyes as I rinsed out my mug. I set it off to the side to dry since it was my cup for my tea.

 I remember playing with her and Dylan with water balloons when we were six. Mud when we were five. Jumping on the trampoline when we were ten with Gina, me doing tricks and flips and trying to teach Dylan. Tag when we were twelve. It made me wonder if my child would get that with someone. a best friend or two who would be there for them through everything."We should join a yoga class. I'm totally looking for a class." I continued back to the back yard as she jumped up and ran away. Once more I rolled my eyes. I watched as Annie stood and walked over removing her gloves and hat.

"Hi, honey," she said with a smile.

"Hi, Mama Annie." She smiled. I've been calling her that since I could talk. She wrapped her arms around me then rested her chin on my head. "Am I going to ever get used to this?"

"Probably not." She gave me a kiss on the head and left. I watched as she walked into the house.

Eventually, I got a shower and changed into real clothes. It took us a few runs to get her things. Her brothers were packing their things at the same time. Arlo the oldest is taking the rest out of state where his new job was at. They're moving out of state. Since her father was at work till really late at night they would be gone without a trace in no time. Gina chose to stay here with me and Dylan. On our last run, I hugged all of the boys all of them gave me kisses on my cheeks and the youngest Nikkie, only eight, hugged me so tight he might as well thought we would never see each other again. We packed all the boxes in my Jeep and in Dylan's father's truck again. We went to the park and got the best frozen yogurt ever. I picked cake batter with gummies and lots of fruit. When we returned to the house it was nearly six at night. my grandparents were there and waiting for us.

Over all, it was a fun night till of course, Gina made me watch the films. Gross, scary, made me want to scream, but very educational. Gina was right. Home birth seemed way better then going to the hospital. In all honesty, I would have preferred giving birth in a cab then going to a hospital. I hate them. I hate needles.

But there I lay in my bed light music playing from my laptop. Looking at the ceiling the dogs on my legs and stomach. My phone beeping I sat up and looked at it. It was a notification on Instagram. I opened it and looked at it. My heart sank.  It was a photo of Wyatt and Lily. She was kissing his face as he messed with a rubrics cube. It was posted by one of her friends and someone tagged me in the comments. 

"Quess @CJtheSwimmer and @Wyatt_Armstrong aren't the cutest couple or most likely to get married anymore." Someone commented. I felt as my tears formed in my eyes. I dropped the phone and got out of bed. I walked down stairs and out to the back porch. I lit the fire and I sat there. Koda came and laid his head down on my lap and I rubbed his fur. Tears fell one by one as I just watched the fire burn

"CJ?" I turned to see a very tired Gina. She looked worried as well which didn't surprise me. She walked over and sat next to me."Everything okay?" she asked. I let more tears fall. I ran my hand through my hair and took a deep breath. I just continued to look at the fire. Feel the heat on my skin. Koda by my side trying to comfort me. It only made me question how on any Earth could someone give him away.

"I'm trying really hard to be fine. But I'm not fine." I said. I hurt me just saying it. I wanted to scream. But I couldn't. "Someone posted a comment on one of Lily's photos and mentioned me in it. It was a picture of Lily and Wyatt, and no, I don't know who it was." All Gina did was get up and walk away. I didn't call after her. I didn't do anything but sit there. She returned a minute later with my phone.

"I'm blocking everyone even Wyatt. I'm done seeing you like this. You've been through enough."  I watched as she blocked everyone who liked the photo. Everyone who commented. Blocked Lily and Wyatt. On every social media, I had. I was gone. Cut off. "Here. Now you can post all the pregnancy updates and stuff. We can be free with out Wyatt knowing."

"I don't want to do that. I want to keep it from everyone. I'll take and print out photo's but it's not going here." I looked through my Instagram photos. Most of which contained Gina, Dylan, Wyatt, or myself. I saved all that contained Gina, Dylan, and myself to my phone. Then I deleted my account. I deleted my twitter. I stayed on Facebook though. I was cut off from everyone at school. It felt great. Freeing. Being tied to something and almost expected to post to stay on told of everything.

"Okay." we sat there for what seemed like hours. It felt great. I felt different.