Ӎƴ ЇƝƨλȠȊȾƴ

Fears

I have a major fear of being burnt. Fire is beautiful, and I love it, but one of my greatest fears is the sensation of being burnt. It hurts more to me than being cut, and I hate it.

When I was a kid I was making cookies and when I bent over to help get them out of the oven, but my forehead hit the edge of the cookie sheet (don't ask how) and I got burnt. Then -on the same day- I burnt my hand on the furnace.

From that day on I've been terrified of getting burnt. It is worse than falling or suffocating for me, and those are pretty high on my list.

Anyway, I'm bored, so I'm telling you people I'm afraid of fire. I'm strange.

And it's not fire specifically. Just getting burned. I love fire. I love the way it looks and acts and I am fascinated by it. But I recognize the dangers of it, and being burned is just the one I recognize the most... If that makes sense.

And falling. Who wouldn't hate falling? I have this really weird thing to where I can make myself feel like I am falling at any time as long as I concentrate, and I hate it. Sometimes I feel it even when I don't want to. The worst thing is when I feel it before I fall asleep. Those are the nights I have bad dreams. Not necessarily nightmares, just dreams that aren't good. They're dark and they are not pleasant.

And ever since I was a kid I have this thing in my ears. It sounds like windshield wipers that just keep going and going in my head. I know it's my heartbeat but it's weird. It goes on and off as time progresses, but when it is there I sleep better, weather or not I get the falling sensation.

The suffocating. Horrible way to die. Lungs feeling like they're exploding and feeling like your throat doesn't have a hole leading to your lungs.

When I was young I was eating crackers and I didn't take a bite out of one before I ate it and it got stuck in my throat. It ended up cutting my throat from the corners (it was one of those wheat thin crackers) but I got it out. I have scars in my throat now.

I still don't know why I'm telling people this. I'm bored. Probably not a good habit to tell people random things about me willy-nilly when I'm bored.

Oh well.