Trouble ▸▸ Kellic

30.

Everything changed. I had wished it wouldn't, but it did. Vic and I's relationship suddenly became so much more realistic after that night, and while that wasn't necessarily a bad thing, it was also extremely scary. It was daunting when I let my mind wander to what came next, because I knew that both of us had no answer. All I knew was that we were closer. I didn't find it awkward to hold his hand and then kiss him in public as much as I used to because I had already experienced much, much more.

The rest of the week was spent either exploring the city or with us both under the bedsheets (and both were equally nice). It was fun, I felt free in a form that I never had before, and I could tell Vic felt the same. I didn't even feel the need to question it; his change of mood showed it all.

The trip was over before I wanted it to be, but that was to be expected. Vic's parents picked us up outside of the hotel after we were checked out. The ride home wasn't too quiet and awkward as Vic's mother kept asking us (but mostly me) questions about the trip to which I would delve into a story I knew she would enjoy.

The rest of break was spent in Vic's neighborhood, which was fine and all, but not as private. It wasn't as if we could just go out for a dinner date or walk around hand in hand or fuck. Vic and I had discussed our relationship and whether or not we were ready to tell his parents and my mom, but we both came to the conclusion we weren't quite ready for that much, considering they had sent us both to a christian boarding school.

As weird as it was to admit, I was ready to return to the academy and I wasn't bummed when we boarded our flight back. The journey seemed long; longer than usual, that is. In actuality, the trip was fairly short.

Students arrived back on campus at all hours of the day (Vic and I arrived mid afternoon). The first thing I did was unpack, knowing that I would never do it later, and Vic agreed. It was nice being back in a room that just felt like my own; our own.

Classes began on Monday, which made me far less ecstatic. Lunches were mostly silent on Vic and I's end, but Mike and Tony made sure to fill the silence with stories of their trip, and Jaime shared a few details as well.

"So how was the city?" Mike eventually asked at breakfast Tuesday morning. Vic and I exchanged sideways glances, and I purposefully shoveled more of my cereal into my mouth to busy myself. Vic sighed a little.

"It was alright," Vic answered modestly, shrugging and trying to pull the whole trip off as 'no big deal'. It must have worked though, because nobody asked any questions after that. Instead, everybody exchanged goodbyes and left the lobby for classes. I was relieved when the conversation was never visited again, because even though Vic's friends did know we were in a relationship, specifics weren't necessary.

The first few weeks back on campus went by smoothly. Vic had to constantly warn me to keep quiet when it was late at night and we were wide awake and I had warned him as well because (even though Vic would never admit it), he was equally as noisy. We walked to and from classes side by side, even if our classes weren't shared. I started dedicating more of my energy and time to my schoolwork, pulling my grades up. I was happy almost all the time, and that encouraged me to try harder in everything I did.

My whole life I had grown to be bitter and isolated. I didn't like very many people and I took my anguish out on people who didn't deserve anything they received, and I regret that now. Finally finding somebody who makes you happy enough can change you in a positive or negative way, and for me, it was positive.

But Vic hadn't changed. I found myself wishing he would stop pressuring younger boy's at the academy into doing things for him, but he didn't. I found myself hoping he wouldn't be receiving lectures from Mrs. Abram every one or two weeks, but that didn't happen either. It upset me, and even though I knew that I had nothing to do with Vic's actions, I couldn't help but to blame myself. All those times when we were just friends and I had helped him take care of people he didn't like made me feel like I had only encouraged how bitter and violent he was with certain people.

Over break I had almost forgotten what it was like rooming with Vic. I forgot that he sometimes wouldn't return until late, a smug look on his face after encountering Mrs. Abram again. I forgot that he dedicated his time after school to detentions too.

My hope was that I would become enough for Vic; that the void he felt could be filled by me, but that was awfully far fetched. With the tension between him and his parent's, one person's love and affection could never fix that issue in its entirety. I knew by then that the only person that could fix Vic's problem was Vic himself, but I worried whether or not he would be willing to do that; for himself and for me.

I let the drama slide for the following month, too scared to try and convince Vic that maybe he shouldn't pick a fight with somebody that specific day. Every time I brought the topic up, we always ended up arguing and then ignoring one another for a few days. I always apologized and Vic never did.

After too many arguments to count, Vic finally started to receive my message. He stopped fighting as often, spending less time in the office or in detention and more time with me or his other friends. It wasn't until the first night neither Vic or I were busy that I mustered up enough courage to talk to him; really talk to him.

We sat on the couch, TV on and Vic's hands tousling my hair. I hummed at the familiar touch, letting myself lean into him. We talked about random things even after our movie had ended, facing each other to watch one other speak and sneak in kisses when they were appropriate.

"I love this..." I found myself explaining with a grin, reconnecting Vic and I's lips momentarily. Vic chuckled, breath tickling my nose and making me flinch.

"Love what?" Vic asks, only wanting to hear me speak. He knew very well what I said, but something about being connected with Vic in an intimate matter always made me comply. I smiled, resting my head on his shoulder and pecking the exposed skin of his neck.

"Love kissing you," I mumbled unwarily, feeling Vic's hands creep up my spine. "Love cuddling you, love...you," I whispered, feeling the relief flood from my chest, only to be replaced with the realization of oh my god, I just told Vic I loved him.

Vic's hands shifted, fingers no longer touching my skin. I didn't know whether or not to pull back, too scared of what would happen if I let go of him.

"You're in love with me?" Vic asks quietly, silently bidding me to move back to my own spot. I complied unwillingly that time.

"Loving someone and being in love with someone are different things," I muttered, trying to explain, though it was apparent to both of us that it was just a coverup. Vic didn't say anything at first, which was less intimidating than when he actually spoke.

"Love is an overly exaggerated emotion. Being in love with somebody only makes the relationship harder, so please, don't...say you love me," Vic requests. The words stung more than I thought they might.

"I-I didn't mean to admit it, but I can't just fall out of love with you, either," I replied, hoping he could understand. He didn't.

"Unless you want to get hurt even more later, I suggest you try," is all Vic says, leaving the couch and the dorm as a whole. It was scary seeing him react in such a calm manner, door shutting softly, tone quiet and collected. Getting hurt even more later I thought to myself, he said it as if it was guaranteed.

- - -

Hi, sorry this is a late update; I've had family visiting and appointments the past week keeping me overly busy, so I've had no time to write anything. This week is very busy as well, but I'm going to try and work around it to hopefully straighten out my updating schedule.

As a side note (which most of you are probably more interested in), I want you all to know that this book is getting close to the end!! I'm a little rocky with it all, so I can't tell you how many more chapters there will be, just expect no more than ten at the maximum. I've also got additional info to post, but I think I'll wait until the end of the book to share all of it. Thanks for supporting the book as always!!