Trance

Chapter Eight: Aftermaths

Dediacted to Meghara for the amazing cover!  I'll upload it tommorow since my battery is dying xD If you guys have any banners/covers send them all me, okay thank you xD

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My heart heaves with pain and anger. The amount of words I spewed out in anger disgusts me now, what made me capable of doing that? What allowed me to do that so causally as if it's a normal act?

What happened to the lessons my parents taught me as a child? To remain nice, to always treat everyone as if they were our own? Today, I told someone they weren't capable of being human, that all they did is cause hatred.

My thoughts are cut off when I hear my name being called put. My eyes move to a petite Asian girl. "Nirvaan, are you going to the party?" she asks, her eyes wide with excitement. I nearly groan but instead I bite the insides of my cheeks to close off the sound.

I tighten my hold on the rail and avert my gaze to the heights. I'm never a big fan of heights but to escape Matsya, I came over here. There's no other way to say it - I'm a coward. To escape the fact I stepped over the line, I came out here to be bitten by the wind that carelessly messes my hair up.

The skyscrapers touch the sky easily, spreading all over. If I turn my gaze away, I'll see houses and small shopping centres. For some reason, my breath stops for a moment when I catch a sight of a red rooftop. Home.

"Nirvaan?" Tina questions, awaiting for my answer. I nod, my mind off her words and back onto Matsya. For peace, I want to apologize but I know it will never be a sincere apology. It would be an apology that I stutter on to find the right words, a sorry for my peace of mind so I won't fall asleep knowing I'm a terrible person.

To sum it up, I'll most likely only apologize so I can sleep without feeling guilty. Maybe the unease in my stomach will disappear I do. I bite my lips out of habit, realizing that I'm beyond selfish.

The only reason why I want to apologize is to burn the guilt that crawls in my gut. With those thoughts on my mind, I tighten my hold on the rails. They feel cool against my hot touch, a smooth metal that separates me from pummeling to my death.

"What's wrong?" Tina asks, her voice filling with sincerity. She sounds calm but worried to me. I hold my tongue from saying the words I want to scream, the words that could put the truth in front of her eyes but I know I won't be ever able to do that. A coward - that's the only way you could describe me.

I was too afraid to stand up years ago - when I was getting bullied  or whenever someone would scream at me - and I still am. I'm afraid to spill the truth and the consequences it would hold. Who knows who Matsya is aligned with? The people that would be responsible for my death if Matsya go to jail perhaps.

"Nothing," I reply, my gaze meeting Tina's. "I'm just tired." To add effect to my lie, I brush my hair that is already messed from the wind. Tina opens her mouth to speak but shuts it quickly, her eyes searching for a missing emotion in mine.

"Does this have to do with Matsya?" she breaks down her thoughts into words, her eyes filled with sympathy I don't need. With her words, I find myself nearly spitting water (which I don't have along with confidence).

"Why does everything have to do with Matsya?" I find myself asking. Ever since I've seen her, every single aspect of my life has to do with her. Her existence itself is overtaking my life without my will. When did I allow myself to fall to this chaos? What did I even do to derserve this - all I ever wanted was a simple life.

And I'm determined to get a simple life. It's only a month with Matsya. As long as I hold her secrets, she can't do anything to me. In a month, I will forget her existence despite the fact she's in all my thoughts for now. For now, counting down the days until she leaves will surface for me.

"Because ever since she's been here, you've been acting strange. It's as if you've known her before or something," Tina comments, her voice slightly filling with rage. After her sentence, all I can hear is cars buzzing by and a few birds chirping, the sounds I've gotten used to.

"I do," I recall the fear Matsya caused me on the first day. My eyes travel from the red rooftop, back to Tina who blankly stares at me with open eyes. Confusion is written all over her eyes and the way her expression shifts to cover up her shock. "Not that you'll ever understand how."

"How? Did she break your heart or something?" Tina replies, watching me intently. As soon as the words come out of her mouth, I scoff a no with a shake of my head.

"Why does everyone think that?" I snap. "Matsya is the type of person you'd run from, not the type you would date." My words flow out of my mouth without a second thought and I find myself regretting them when I catch Tina's eyes falling towards the ground.

"How can you say that? Matsya is one of the nicest people I've met," Tina argues. I find myself shaking my head with her words, each tilt slow.

"You've only known her for a day, don't get ahead of yourself," I inform her. The words could go for myself as well. How many day have I known Matsya? It only took me a few hours to form an opinion and judgement for her, a type she'll never got herself out of.

Matsya was right. I do judge before I see any actions but what am I meant to do? Wait until someone leaves permanent scars? How are you meant to trust with an open heart in this world? Matsya acts like if my judgements are placed out of this world, an odd trait to hold.

It's in the human nature to judge, to attempt to predict the future of someone else's. To pretend to know where their future with a person is going, it's easier to keep your heart safe like that. Tina starts walking away, her footsteps sounding loud against the cars below.

"I need to go now," she tells me. I wave a goodbye and look back at the veiw. How much longer do I have before I have to go back to Matsya? Chances are, I can't keep on standing here despite the fact I've managed for the last ten minutes.

"Nirvaan, before I go - just give Matsya another chance. She's probably changed from the one you know. That or she's a great liar," Tina adds, cracking a grin at liar as if it's an outrageous idea.

"Maybe," I absentmindly answer. How am I meant to snap her out of her trance? She thinks that Matsya is this great person unable to hurt anyone. There's one thing for certain, Matsya is a great liar or I'm delusional.

For some reason, I wish that the latter is reality for me. It would be easier to navigate myself out of this mess.

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How was the chapter? Any feedback?

By the way, yes I only have two published book right now. Due to studies and not having time, I've decided to delete the book I don't have my heart in which was Effortlessly Beautiful. It'll be back like in six months with MAJOR changes. Pick and Mix have been put slow updates for now as well.

Also last week i was basically dead off wattpad because I'm obsessed with Urdu drama shows. I've watched Humsafer (I'll definitely recommend it, the plot moves quickly and is pretty great. It's a little predictable but the acting makes up for it. To top it off, it was hooking to the point I watched it all in four days - which were all school days xD) and I'll b watching Zindigi Gulzar Hai after my school test.

Honestly, Udta Punjab looks like a great movie. Has anyone seen it? Idk, I'm really excited to see a sadar in Bollwyood (even though he's not amritdari and always sings about achool wtf) and see about the drug problems in Punjab.

Vote?

- Maya.