Trance

Chapter 20: Meeting her - once again

I close my eyes tightly, unwilling for another tear to come out. It's as if the aftermaths is worse than the actual moment. When that bullet hit her, my mind just blanked. I couldn't feel any sort of emotion during that moment.

I just blanked.

It was as if my heart didn't exist. It took me so long to pierce the fact my best friend - the one that's supported me for so long - is dead. She won't ever have her perfect wedding or see her parents. She'll never be here for my own wedding, she won't ever be involved in any of my milestones ever again despite having such a huge hand in all of them.

Despite my protests, another tear pour outs of my eyes. I crumple the pillow, breathing onto it. Even with my eyes open, all I can see is darkness. I grip the white pillow as tightly as I can until all the blood runs out of my hand.

All it took was one bullet. One small bullet to take her soul away, leaving nothing beside an useless body with no owner.

This all feels so surreal. Tina. It's as if she'll walk in here, laugh with me until I feel better. We'll watch some crappy romantic comedy that she insisted on and she'll make terrible jokes to make bearable.

Whenever I got upset, Tina would know. She just knows from the way I hold myself, from my tone to even my clothes. After all, we were childhood friends. And it's even worse to realize she's always been there in these moments. She would hug me, talk to me, buy me chocolates and I would do the same for her.

I can still remember us as kids, joking laughing about my crush never giving the time of the day to me (I don't even think he knew my name) and the way her eyes crinkled up before she bursts into silent giggles where her shoulders move up and down. I still remember the night she broke up with her first girlfriend ad how we spent the whole night eating chocolate ice cream as she cried into my lap.

And now, she's gone?

Even using her name in past tense stings so much. I can't imagine her being alive now, all I can see is her waxy skin, her lifeless eyes, the way her hair spread out on the floor and how the blood dyed her black hair a dark shade of red.

My stomach turns over, rembering how much blood came out of her skin and how it left her with nothing. Nothing was left of her. Her smile, the brightness of her eyes are all replaced with emptiness and a hollowness where it should be. Her tan skin got replaced by a pale shade, easily resembling a sheet of paper. Everything that made Tina seem so bright and beautiful got replaced by a never ending hollowness within a moment.

I hear a loud slam, somewhat simular to my door. Loud footsteps echo in the hallway. My gut twists once again, reminding me of how Tina is dead because of me. Amir wanted me - Tina was a spare. And if Amir wanted to get me that badly to the point he'll barge into my office means my home means little to him.

I get up. My hand lies idle on my pillow and my feet touch the floor. I still sit on the bed, unwilling to get up due to the way my head spins. All the words I can hear in my mind is words of hatred for the man walking down this very hallway.

I probably look like a mess. My eyelashes are clumped together with tear stains, tear streaks run down my red cheeks, my nose is red and I can't breathe through my nose, so every breath I take is from my mouth.

My monotonous breathing sounds loud and it falls into sync with the high heels walking on the floor. My heart drops, realizing it's not Amir but most likely to be Matsya. I would have preferred to see Amir - at least he would just shoot me and get it done with. Anything is better than this pain.

My heart drums loudly and my gaze falls onto the carpeted floor of mine. I don't bother to wipe away my tears, I would rather let Matsya see the mess she caused than let her think everything is okay.