Catch Me

X and Y

December 24, Saturday
 
 
  
"I wanna be an archeologist!" Aradia exclaims. "What about you, Sollux? What do you want to be?"

You look down at the plywood that is your treehouse that is built on this tree that grew in the middle of the Captors' and Megidos' lawn. "I dunno yet," you say to her, biting your bottom lip with your front teeth.

"Well, what do you like to do?"

You took the time to think, trying really hard and coming up with nothing but the fact that you like to play computer games most of the time, being that your dad installed this small PC in your living room last year. "I like computers and I guess I'm pretty good at them," you answer.

Aradia smiles. "That's it!"

"I'll be a computer?"

"No, silly, you're good at computers! That's who you'll be."

"You think so?" your lisp sounding so loud in that moment but you don't care because she's your best friend and she never made such a big deal about it anyways.

"Yes!" Aradia pauses. "I'll give you something tomorrow, okay?"
 
  
The next day you meet up with Aradia again (like all days of the week) and she gives you a wrapped box full of taped up corners and edges.

"What is it?" you ask as you pry it open with your fingers.

"Well... it's just this organizer thingy that I found. It's nothing much, I guess. I just wanted to give you a gadget and maybe help you with your future job!" she grins.
  
She was the first kid who ever gave you anything, and it wasn't even your birthday.
 
***
 
 
 
I wonder why I'm even doing this.
 
When it's Christmas Eve and you've spent the whole day with Feferi Peixes, on a fucking date (is it not considered a date when you went to the zoo and she's linked arms with you for a solid two hours while walking down the path towards the dolphin section?), the facts get jumbled up and even I'm confused even though I'm the chump who asked her out in the first place.
 
The sun's setting on the horizon as me and FF (you see? I'm calling her 'FF' now, for shit's sake. I believe that means something???) walk towards the amusement park "Derse and Prospit", FF's stoked on the idea of riding the Ferris Wheel and getting some prizes at the booths. We passed by the crowds of people, enjoying the day and having the time of their lives.
  
I saw KK a while ago, I remember, when we were at the zoo. The poor guy looking all miserable and shit because he's still hung up on Terezi, still feeling the remnants of the broken pieces of their two-year relationship.
 
I wonder why it makes me think about AA.
 
  
"Sollux?" FF asks me, her eyebrows arched. I didn't realize I was zoning out, as we were in the line for the Ferris Wheel. "You okay?" she asks me.

I shook my head, not sure if I'm just getting my thoughts together or I'm mentally answering her question.

"Do you still want to ride?"

I turned to her this time, her voice kinda sounding sad and unsure, as she looked at me with something in her eyes.
  
     
I wonder why she looks at me like that.
My time with FF has been pretty okay so far since we started dating around the first week of December. She's my first girlfriend, can you believe it? (You probably could. There aren't a lot of girls in my list that I've dated because.... Well... I only wanted to date one particular girl). FF's cool. Even allowing for the fish puns every hour. We talk about things and she has interesting opinions, especially on the topic of marine biology.
  
Being with her, feels like something almost close to being okay with myself. She compliments me most of the time, which I do wonder if I deserve all of it at all. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I mean, who compliments someone that they're still kinda cute when they're obviously being a tad grumpy and is overreacting one time when Kanaya had been too meddlesome and kept asking me questions about my relationship with FF now and almost (again) spilled how I used to like AA.
  
"Yeah, of course," I reply, smiling at her.
 
  
I wonder how all of this will turn out.
 
 
  
Anyway, I see that Dave guy and this Jade girl while me and FF are here in the line for the Ferris Wheel. They looked like they were having fun bickering and whatnot. I've seen Dave with Terezi lots of times since November enough to know that TZ and KK really are over.
Dave is smiling at Jade right now, I can see from afar, and it made me think about all the fucking rants that KK has exploded to me for the past weeks. You gotta take credit for KK's unbelievable imagination to be able to come up with multiple nicknames for the guy he hates.
 
  
To be honest, it feels like we're all falling apart. Me and my friends, I mean. And I'm scared. It's Christmas Eve and this is the first time in forever that our group isn't celebrating the holiday together. I mean, look at us, we all have different people we're with, and we're all in different places.
KK's on his freaking sad man expedition, KN's probably preparing for her overnight stay with Rose later, TZ's (..... I don't really know where TZ is, she rarely hung out with us anymore ever since breaking up with Shouty McScrooge Vantas), then AA is... AA is on a date with someone else.
I know she is. I can feel it, even when I never asked her and she never really mentioned it to me. But I know. Hoo boy, do I know. I'm pretty sure about it because my gut hurts and isn't there a saying that you should trust your gut? And right now it's fucking telling me that my best friend is on a date with some sweaty asshole.
  
  
After the Ferris Wheel ride, FF pointed to a concession stand and we bought some snacks and drinks while the sun was beginning to set in the sky.