Perfect Storms

chapter four

"Think you're in control until you're not.       And you're so in love until you're not"
We All Die Trying To Get It Right ~Vance Joy

"Can you come over?"
I texted him that night. It had become a casual way to start our conversations.
"I thought you left New York?
"I did. I'll fly you out."
"Where?"
"Rhode Island."
"Alright I'll see you soon."
He replied as if the short flight did not phase him. I was beginning to think there was no place on earth he would not fly to to be with me. Oh it was a guilty thought. To hold him at my instant command. But tonight I really did need him. Maybe more so than ever.
Today was a bad day. When he finally arrived around midnight I felt a bit of relief. I desperately needed someone to talk to.
My life was one of many secrets. I hated that with a passion but there was simply no way around it. I had been living this way for more than seven years now it no longer phased me. After all everyone had their own fair share of secrets. I took my secrets very seriously, I would go through great lengths to hide events and mask people in order to keep my image at bay. I've hurt a lot of people in process. More than I would like to admit.
I did not hide the fact I had been crying. I didn't try to clean it up. He knew and his first reaction was to hug me. A hug I was greatly appreciative of. We sat down on the couch to a cup of warm coffee and talked with nothing but a small book lamp lighting our faces. He listened, he was a wonderful listener.
"You did what you had to do." He assured. I took another sip, the guilt weighed heavy on my chest. Sometimes it was hard to breathe.
"He's going to hate me." I whispered, talking more to myself now than to Tom.
"No, no he'll understand. In time. He's a public figure just like you after all. He'll understand."
I sighed fighting back tears. Today I signed a public files contract and practically forced Adam to sign it too stating we had officially ended our relationship and that we were both sworn to secrecy meaning absolutely no press asking of the matter. I forbade Adam from speaking about it. We had agreed to a Twitter confrontation. One that I made him post. And when I mean me I mean my people. No I did not personally show up to this very meeting which I knew would only piss him off more. The worst part is I made it so he had absolutely no say. I felt so evil.
So now it was out. The whole world now knew me and Adam were officially over. What they did not know is that we had been over for quite some time.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Tom asked me softly as if reading my mind. I stared deep into his blue eyes. I wanted to trust him. I really did.
"Or will I have to sign a contract too." He joked. His voice was hesitant as if the joke was an awful risky sort. I chuckled anyways. He was the only person in the world who could get away with a joke like that I guess. Maybe it was the accent. He was simply trying to lighten the mood.
"It happened a few weeks ago really. He was at my house for what I thought was a family BBQ but it got ugly once my parents left." I paused. And took a deep breath. "He knew Tom."
This sparked his interest I immediately noticed his change in posture. He stiffened. I froze as if my voice had escaped me. He knew exactly what I meant. We had not talked about it since that night and I did not want to go any further than I already had. He was waiting for my move before making his.
"I guess I had that coming." I spoke carefully now.
"Taylor I-"
"Do not apologize again. The fault hangs equally on me. No, really more on me. And I do not regret my decisions."
There was a long pause. A screaming silence. He was still stiff, on guard. I could see it in the way his jaw tightened. His fists clamped. He was afraid, possibly guilty.
"I guess.." I trailed carefully choosing my words. "I did not think it would happen that way..."
I watched him loosen his grip. It was okay now. He was at a loss for words. I do not blame him. I have officially managed to pass down my burden to him. Just more guilt for me.
"We argued. We never argued. He got really heated. I always knew he had a short temper but never for me. I stayed silent I did not want to fight. But he acted as if the last fifteen months no longer mattered. Any love he had for me flew out the window faster than I could ever have seen."
I started to open up. Tom leaned in, his chin rested on his hand which was propped up by his elbow. He sat across me on a couch in front of the coffee table. I sat cross-legged on the other couch. The more I talked the more I disclosed. It started to become easier. And he never interrupted. He listened intently. I could tell he was absorbing every word as if he would be quizzed later. So rare do you find people willing to listen like that.
"And then he stormed out of the house. So recklessly so angry. And you know what the worse part was? I did not even try to convince him to stay. I was silenced by my guilt. And if it couldn't get any worse, sure enough I wake up to hear he got himself in a car crash on the way out to the airport. It was because of me. More guilt."
At that I started to cry again. It was out now. I had not told anyone other than my family the true story. I buried my face into my palms. I couldn't stop the tears. I felt a movement and he was now next to me pulling me in. I embracing the feeling of his arms around me. Although I was bitterly upset at myself I felt a huge wave of relief. The type of relief that came with confiding in someone.
They always say you think you're control until you're not. And that you can be so in love until you're not. It's one of those type of things. It is until it isn't. And sometime there is no explanation for it.

//
Okay so a lot just happened! Finally it's starting to pick up right?!? Thoughts?? Do you think something actually happened between and Tay and Tom beforehand that's not being told? (Oh and NEWSFLASH: Keep in mind this is fictional and I actually have no idea when Taylor and Calvin broke up for sure so to connect it to the night of his car accident is totally my idea I do not know if that was actually the case.)