Perfect Storms

chapter twenty-six

"I won't let you close enough to hurt me. No, I won't rescue you to just desert me. I can't give you the heart you think you gave me. It's time to say goodbye to turning tables"
Turning Tables ~Adele

*flashback to April 27th 2016*

"Hey" I spoke, insecurity surging through my voice. I don't know why I felt unsure talking to him anymore, I was so use to his voice.
"What's up Taylor?"
"Do you want to hang together tonight?"
"I don't know.... I'm in the studio."
"Oh okay, well tell when would be a good time?"
"I'll call you back."
"Okay bye."
The phone was hung up. He had not even bothered to say goodbye. I felt hurt in a way. I do not know what happened. Just a few weeks ago I flew with him to Coachella to see his set and we hung out back stage and everything was normal and fine. Well as fine as we have been for a bit. We were going through a rough patch no doubt but sometimes I felt I was the only holding on to what we had left.
To my fortunate reluctance he ended up showing up for a dinner at my house. Something we had done a thousand times now felt different. Little did he know I had prepared a big speech for tonight. Just stay rehearsed Taylor, I told myself for the one hundredth time during our meal. I small talk in the meantime asking him about work and all the usual stuff.
"I feel like it's necessary to talk... about us." I finally brought up the courage to speak. I was not afraid of talking to him, no that was not the problem. The fear came from the idea of what this conversation could bring, tension between us? An end to our relationship? Why did I feel like that day was sooner than ever?
"Alright what is there to talk about?" He asked openly, swallowing the last of his meal. He was on edge I could tell.
"Well it seems as of lately I've had to fight for your attention. Did I... do something wrong?"
He not so quietly placed his silverware down on the table. I always knew he had a short tempter but usually not for me.
"Taylor that's not fair you know I've been working on a new album."
"No I know, I just... well, usually you at least will come spend the night here or dinner or something... I just feel like we have been... distant."
He got up from the table abruptly. I knew his temper was wearing thin. I just wanted answers. This guessing game of whether he was still into me was wearing me out.
"Adam...?"
I followed him into the living room. I would worry about the dishes later. He sat on the couch his face in the palm of his hands. I knew that pose, he was upset, thinking. I gently placed my hand on his shoulder.
"I'm not mad at you. I just want to make this work." I spoke calmly, stay rehearsed.
There was a long silence. I wondered if I should leave.
"I know I know. I'm just well, Taylor, I just feel like.... Like that spark isn't there anymore you know?"
His words were a stab to the heart. But I had told myself I would not cry tonight. No I would not let him know how I truly felt.
"I'm sorry it's been bothering me too. Maybe I should go."
He got up. I knew he had to head back to the studio. I grabbed his arm at the last second. Would I regret this? I was about to find out.
I pulled him in and kissed his lips, almost hurriedly. Despite his words he kissed me back. There was no hate, not yet. Love still remained right? I had to believe that.
Once we pulled away I frantically searched his eyes trying to find anything. Anything that said we would be okay, that things would be better. But they were a blank canvas.
He shook his head as if confirming my thoughts.
"Maybe we just need a break."

The next day I saw him off to London for some promotional stuff. He did not seem entirely enthused.
Another heartless goodbye, another blank stare, another cardboard kiss. If only I had known it would be our last.

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Short chapter but I promise I will update again soon, that is if you guys want :)