Perfect Storms

chapter eleven

And you deserve to be loved and you deserve what you are given. Because there's a hole where your heart lies"
Florence + The Machine ~Third Eye

I never meant for it to happen. I had no intention of flirting. I was not even trying to draw attention to myself. I forced myself to remember, to clearly picture the night and how it happened. Or at least what I could.
   A few days before, Adam and I had gotten in a fight. I remember thinking this was it. This was the end of us. He was trying to push me away I could feel it. We were both falling out of love. But I was stubborn and wanted to work this through. I thought I could just ride this rough patch like all the others and it would be over soon and we could continue being in love. But each day got harder. He was not as interested. We were no longer intimate, and we spent less time together. After the iheart radio awards he told me he never wanted to go to another award show together. I was confused by his sudden harshness. It turned out he was just getting jealous. Jealous I was more successful than him. Jealous that his song which came out two months ago was not doing as well as mine which cane out two years ago. He was frustrated and so he blamed me.
I had promised myself I would never be in a relationship where the significant other did not allow me to be who I was. It was obvious Adam was angry I overshadowed his success. If he could, he would be pushing me down. But my fame was a hurricane. A perfect storm. Everything I did was watched by everyone. Anything I made was an instant success. He could not understand why he could not be the same.
Of course this was all true. It was almost a guarantee I would overshadow anyone I was with. That's why I would stay away from dating others in the music industry. My storm of a success would always overpower there's and it wasn't fair but there was nothing I could do. I use to think dating an actor, someone outside the music industry entirely would be better. That way our fame stayed separate. But it was so hard to find someone who shared my common interests. And even then, I still managed to overpower them.
There was no one who understood my career. Even other crazy successful musicians could never comprehend the fame I possessed. It was discouraging.
I also could not help but feel some guys got with me for my fame. When I was younger I lived in constant fear of being used. But now I know that my fame had surpassed the level of advantage and was now pure destruction. No one could date me and shake the title of Taylor Swift's ex. There were forever branded. And if that weren't enough, the press that came with being my girlfriend was terrifying. Constant bashing and hateful remarks. For as many admires I had I seemed to carry twice the haters. No one could ever just leave me or my lovers alone.
However in the mist of our dispute I got angry. No I know I should not have been. After all it was all my fault. But during the time I was mad. I stormed out of LA to the gala.
It was then I first saw him. Two days before the event the co chairs and special guests were all invited to Anna Wintour's home to get to know each other and just celebrate our work. He stood out in the crowd for reasons unknown. Maybe it was his genuine smile. Maybe I was blinded by my previous hurt. I spent the whole night unknowingly watching him. He was so polite,so graceful, so kind, so easy to laugh. I don't know why but I felt my stomach twist. I had not felt this way for anyone before at first sight. Sure he was good looking, but so was Calvin. Or at least that's what I kept reminding myself.
I remember towards the end of the night I finally gained the courage to go introduce myself. Of course, he probably already knew who I was. But I just wanted to start a conversation.
I found the perfect moment when he was talking with Anna. I moved myself into their small huddle.
"Oh have you two met? Taylor this is Tom Hiddleston."
"Hi," I barely got out. I don't know why but I was taken aback.
"I know who she is. I mean how can you not? Your work is amazing by the way."
He was so formal in his greeting.
I was always so guilty everyone I was introduced to always knew exactly who I was but I barely knew anyone. All I knew was he was an actor. And thanks to his gorgeous accent, I now knew he was British.

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Next chapter will be a huge plot twist!! Prepare yourselves!!