How to make a mix tape (Completed)

2 First Round

"So, beautiful woman who is living in my house, tell me your fantastic story." Bill leaned across the table, his hands cupping his face, eyes twinkling at Fiona.

The group had settled at a large table next to the bar and pool table. David, Richard, Dan and Emlyn were all impressing women with their pool skills. Fiona laughed heartily into her third bottle of Peroni. She was becoming quite drunk.

"Wow! You don't take long to get to the point do you? It's boring and predictable I am afraid." Fiona sighed as she spoke to Bill determined not to fall under the spell he was seasoned at producing.

"I will be the judge of that!" Bill smiled, whilst surveying the room for available women. Bill knew Fiona was damaged goods. If he wanted a good time tonight he wasn't going to get from her. 

"Well it's your average girl meets boy at university. Girl falls madly in love with boy. Boy's family don't think girl is good enough for boy. Girl spends all of her time keeping them together as a couple. They get engaged, set a wedding date, find said boy in bed with another girl and run away to London story really." She looked at Bill and sighed.

"Did she have two fannies?" Bill inquired bluntly. He stared at Fiona. The girl who her fiancé replaced Fiona with must have been a total fox.

"I beg your pardon?" Fiona sat back in her chair.

"You heard. The girl in question did she have two fannies?"

"No, not that I am aware of." Fiona knew that medically women could have two vagina's, however, she was quite sure that horse face witchbag Gillian only had one.

"Please take this the right way, I know women, I mean I KNOW women. I have in my time known many, many, many women. You look like you would be a firecracker in the sheets. The red hair, the large bristols, you know." Bill waved at Fiona's breasts, "I have never met a Scottish woman who was shit at the horizontal arts and I speak as a man who has over ten four nations rugby tours under his belt."

"I thank you on behalf of my race and gender for your comments kind sir!" Fiona laughed and took a gulp of beer. If she didn't know better she thought he was hitting on her. She pulled her knees tightly together just in case she involuntary mounted him.

Despite herself, Fiona found herself enjoying being out. She was sure that her time in London would be reading Jane Austen, taking cold showers and listening to The Smiths. In truth, she found this a far better option.

The music in the hospital bar was fantastic. Someone had put on The Style Council's Cafe Blue album. She found herself singing to herself 'long hot summer'. The bar was situated in a large basement room located with windows at the top. The actual bar was along one wall. Tables and chairs packed into the remaining area.

"Ok, so what was wrong with the prick then?" asked Bill gazing at Fiona.

As Fiona was about to respond Dan stumbled over from the pool table.

"What prick is that...you?" interrupted Daniel pointing at Bill.

"No, the prick she was just telling me about, the eejit that dumped her and made her run away to London, straight into our little domestic arrangement." Bill gestured to Fiona.

"Dumped her? Must have been a total eejit. Anyway, how are you settling into shag towers?" Dan asked.

"Hard to say as it has been just over three hours." she giggled, "My status report thus far is that it's like living with a boy band, is anyone ugly in the house?"

Fiona decided not to have any more lager, she was now on her fourth and it was becoming a little bit of a truth potion. She could feel a growing warmth in her cheeks and she knew if she didn't eat soon that she would be totally trollied.