Wolves (NaNoWriMo13) (Under major editing)

4. Grief

This is the 4th chapter. I am sorry for all the mistakes and weird writing. I'm not used to writing in English my stories. I hope that after this is done, I can correct my mistakes.

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Next few days I sat in my hospital bed. When I woke up the next day, I was crying all over again, until I could not cry anymore. My wolf was silent again. It did not talk or make any kind of movement, but I did not even try to understand anything about her. I was just broken and lost. My mate was gone. Of course I did not believe that alpha was my mate. He was a stranger to me. Besides my wolf had recognized Col as my mate. I do not know what he was telling Iris and others, but I would not be fooled. He would not get me. I was in too much pain, to even care about it.

When he visited me, I just ignored him. The outside world was grey for me. Nothing interesting there. There was only more pain. Some day's alpha Reid tried to talk to me. Yes, I now knew his name. He had told me that the second time, when he came. He talked about unimportant things. Iris came every day. Tried to talk to me, but I could not do it. Col was dead because of me. On the second day I knew that I was the one, who should be blamed. He had to be by lunas side, but he came to me, to rescue me. And then he was just dead.

On the fifth day, Iris came to me and said -''Today is the day. They are going to burn his body, Ruby.''- I did not move from my place. What was the point? I could not go there with the guilt in my heart. –''Ruby? You are going, right?''- She asked me again. When I did not answer her again, she sighted. –''Whatever it is you are thinking there in your small head, you need to snap out of it.''- Then there was silence again. After a while, Iris got up from her seat and went to the door. That is when I finally spoke.

-''It is my fault.''- In a quiet voice I said. Not particularly to her or anyone else. She stopped in her tracks.

-''Excuse me?''- Iris looked at me with confused eyes, but I did not see that. My hands were clenched in fists. It was an awful feeling, but I was right. I knew that I was right. Something touched my hands. It was Iris.

-''Look at me, Ruby.''- She said in a quiet voice. I shook my head in denial. I was refusing to look at anyone at this point.-''I said, look at me, Ruby.''- With one of her hands, she touched my head and turned it her way. Still I refused to look at her. –''Ruby...''- She pleadingly said to me.

-''No...''- I said to her stubbornly. Whatever she wanted to say to me, she did not need to do it. I was a wreck as it is. I did not need her words or pity. I did not need anyone. –''He was my mate, Iris...''- A quiet whisper came out of my mouth. At first I did not recognize my own voice. It sounded differently. –''Stop, being stubborn, Ruby. It was so not your fault. He chose to protect you and if he had not been there, you would have been dead.''- My head was shaking in denial. I did not want to hear this. She was wrong. It was my fault. He was our mate, but we could not save him. I thought to myself sadly. –''You are wrong, Ruby. I do not know what is happening to you. I do not know how you are feeling, but one thing I am sure of. You did not lose your mate.''- My body froze. Again with this shit?

-''Why are you saying this to me? He is not my mate. If he would be my mate, then we would feel that. Col was our mate.''- This was getting ridiculous. Why did everyone think that alpha Reid is my mate? For fucks sake, he was an alpha. What was I? A weak girl, who could not help Col in time. I was no alphas mate.

-''Please, Ruby...''- Before she could say anything else, I cut her words short. –''If you stop bugging me about alpha Reid as my mate, then I will go to the funeral.''- Maybe this way, she would get off of my back. In some way I wanted to go to the funeral and this was a good way how to get rid of Iris persisting me about all of what happened. Her words would not ease my mind.