Hopeful Soul: A Phantom Story

Chapter Thirty-Three.

CHRISTINE:

Erik had fainted over a kiss - which struck me by complete surprise. Possibly the strongest, most masculine person I knew had lost consciousness due to the pairing of our lips - that had to be giggled at. I pulled him up onto the loveseat and set a cloth of cold water on his forehead, kissing him again. His lips were softer than I thought they'd be and warmer as well - he shaping into a regular man and perhaps that was why he had fainted, though I wasn't sure.

I propped him up against the back of the seat and stoked the fire a little, which made Ayesha meow. She rubbed against the skirts of my gown as I set the poker aside and glanced over to Erik before quickly trotting away... cats. I went to Erik and moved the cold cloth from his forehead to his neck, where he instantly woke up, "Wh-" he sighed, "What happened?"

I shook my head, "After I kissed you, you fainted. I don't know why," I sat beside him, cuddling into his chest, "Perhaps you can tell me."

He stretched his arm around me, which pulled me in closer. If it were evening, I would have been fast asleep, "I have never been kissed before. You fulfilled my fantasy, Christine."

I smiled. It felt great to be able to give him such simple things, yet have him appreciate them like no one else. I realized, now, how many sensations I took for granted which he had so often been denied, "I am glad that I can help you in that regard."

"You have helped in many ways, my dear. Especially now that we are engaged."

I sniffled and the worst began to dawn on me. I knew he was older than me and the fact that he would eventually die left me in tears. I held him tightly, trying to soothe myself, but it wasn't working, "Erik, please."

"Why do you cry?"

I sniffled, wiping my eyes, "I do not wish to think of it, but how old are you? I- I cry because I fear you will die leave me behind."

"Oh, Christine," he held tighter, a cracking from his back, and I cried harder at that sound, "Please don't cry for me."

"I must," I sniffled, feeling my chest heave in response, "I have a duty to you, now."

He nodded, kissing my forehead, "When would you like to make things official, then? If that would make you comfortable."

I knew the rules. I had to send letters to my friends and to Madame Giry since she was my guardian and caretaker when I was young. We would have to find someone to wed us and I doubted that would be easy. Not to mention that Erik would have to ask for my hand, "How are we going about this?" I wiped my eyes, "You must ask Madame for my hand, I have to send invitations to our witnesses and besides that, who will wed us?"

"It will be easier than you think because of our orphan status."

I nodded, bringing him close for comfort. His hand rested on the curve of my waist and I tried to forget our obvious age gap. Plenty of people married this far apart - right? I hoped our marriage would last, but then I remembered something crucial - was I even in love with him? I knew that several loveless marriages existed, but wasn't sure if I could handle one. He loved me, I knew that, but if I didn't love him, it would be a sad state of affairs.

"Do you love me, Christine?" my worst fear had been realized and I didn't know what to say, "Be entirely honest."

"I- I'm not sure."

"Not sure?"

"Well," I never really evaluated my feelings for Erik - he was more than a friend, but I was not ready to say 'I love you' at all, "I suppose I need time to think."

"You didn't need time for the Vicomte."

Oh, poor Erik. Of course I had given myself to Raoul, pledged my love for him, but I wasn't even sure if it was true. How would Erik believe me on that, "Erik, I am sorry. Raoul and I were childhood friends and I felt innocent about everything, really," he looked away from me and my heart sank in my chest, "Please," I begged, momentarily resting my lips on the edge of his jaw, "you can forgive me, can you not?"

He pushed me off and stood up, pacing the ground in front of the loveseat. Poor, unhappy Erik. I wish I could make him happy, but in the end, all I am is trouble, "I do not want to marry someone who isn't willing, Christine. Yes, I was awful to you and your fiancé that night, but all I want is love! You came here and for only a moment I could have sworn I would receive it."

"Erik, I only came here to help you get better."

His face turned an angry shade of red and I cursed, no, damned myself for speaking out of turn. I was failing him, "Well, mademoiselle, you have wasted your time!"