Chapter 19

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Chapter 19

Some people who claim to love you don't even love you. They're in love with the idea of being in love. Before you tell somebody you love them. Please learn the difference.

You want to know the type of love I want? Even if you don't, I'm going to tell you. I want that love where you would never even dare cheat on the other person because you wouldn't want them to do the same to you. That type of love where the idea of breaking up makes your heart drop to your Ass. Lastly I want that type of love where you dont love more than the other and give to much of yourself aware . So you end up more hurt than the other person cause they didnt love you as much as you loved them. I want that real love.

Manuel called me about a week into my vacation in Italy telling me that he had sex with some girl and she's pregnant. Honestly him and his brother are two peas in a pod when I really thought I got the better one. I had a feeling him going back to college would break us up though because we're in two completely different environments. He can go be a good father to his child because I'm not about to be out here playing step mommy so young.

"Say baby, can I be your slave
I've got to admit girl, you're the s*** girl
And I'm diggin' you like a grave
Now do they call you daughter to the spinnin post, or
Or maybe Queen of 2,000 moons
Sister to the distant, yet risin' star
Is your name Yimmy-Ya
Oh hell nah, it's got to be Oshun
Ooo, is that a smile me put on your face child
Wide as a field of Jasmine and Glover
Talk that talk honey, walk that walk money
Hound legs that'll spank Jehovah
****, who am I?
It's not important
But they call me Brother to the Night
And right now
I'm the blues in your left thigh
Tryin to become the funk in your right

Who am I?
I'll be whoever you say
But right now, I'm the sight raped hunter
Blindly pursuing you as my prey
And I just wanna give you injections, of sublime erections
And get you to dance to my rhythm
Make you dream archaetypes, of black angels in flight
Upon wings, of distorted, contorted, metaphoric jism
Come on slim
F*** yo' man, I ain't worried about him
It's you who I wanna step to my scene
Cause rather than deal with the fallacy
Of this dry a** reality
I rather dance and romance your sweet a**, in a wet dream
Who am I?
Well they all call me Brother to the Night
And right now, I'm the blues in your left thigh
Trying to become the funk in your right
Is that alright?"
Love Jones- A Blues For Nina

I sat quietly in the living room of my home watching my favorite movie Love Jones and reciting every word of the poem as if I wrote it myself. I just want somebody who loved me so intensely they could barely put it into words. I want that poetry kinda love. That after we fuck we just fall asleep in each other's arms, wake up and wonder how we got so damn lucky kinda love. Can you dig it? Since Emanuel and I broke up I've been talking to Jack's son and that boy is really something else. He told me he never dated a black girl.

All I have to say is baby let me be your first taste of chocolate and trust me you'll never want to stop licking. Whenever I start watching my 90's movies I start feeling like a damn poet.

Mario is still with June's lying ass but as soon as he finds out that bitch cheated she's as good as dead but I don't want anything to do with any of those crazy ass motherfuckers anymore. I'm started a new chapter in my life and I'm trying to be way more at peace with myself. I would like to make some new friends and be more friendly.

I don't know how this is going to work out when I hate people. But we'll see. Emanuel is trying to get back with me even though he is having a child. I had to block that niggas number because if you're not trying to benefit my life then baby you're only bringing me down.

I'm really and truly starting to feel way more happy. I talked to Giovanni(Jacks son) for hours last night. He told me he wants to become a lawyer and he's in college to become exactly that. I love a man with goals. He just seems so perfect I don't want to mess this up but that's what always happens anyways.

( A/N I really missed this book and my wattpad fam so I decided to come back, idk if I'm back for good but at least this is a fresh start. I've grown so much since I've last updated this book and I want you guys to see all the new creativity. I love you guys so much. I don't even know if this chapter makes sense I was just writing to see where it would get me. Thanks for sticking around I love y'all so much ❤️🌸.)

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⏰ Last updated: Mar 26, 2017 ⏰

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