Not Alone Buddy [#Wattys2016] [complete]

Chapter 18: depression

Warning- strong language but only one swear word  and talking about depression.
Nisovin PoV
He wake up, it was all so sudden but he said something weird, they made me leave so they could run some check, I'm with Mr white now, he said to tell me everything Rob said and did before and after he woke up. I told him everything, he had a puzzled look on his face but at the same time it knew everything.
"So has he talk again"
I talk slowly and steadily, I put my head in my hands, it look like I was asking the floor and trying to search for answers but I just want to think about what happen.
"He has but he acting weird and strange, he run to corner when he see any doctor"
My head shot up and he face is not lying but the voices say something entirely different, I've learn not to trust them but they so controlling.
"Do you know why?"
I ask but I just want to know, what has trigger him to act this way, was it the truth sirup or something else, what ever it was I want him to be ok, he has to be, he my only friend.
"No, I was hoping you would know"
Silent was apon  us, it was strange being in a room with someone you don't like but still being nice  to them like nothing ever happen and that how Mr white acted like he did no wrong in this equation. He cough and made a weird sound with his throat, the room was cold and silent again, I cross my arms and pulled up my sleeve, so my hand could get some warmth.
"Nis?"
I look up, he had bags under his eyes again, his lip are dry, his eyes look like a void even though his eyes are brown, they uses to have some life in them but now they look like someone kill him, living like a zombie. I hate the nickname he give me, he was the first to call him Nis, my friends uses to call me Niso, I never find out why. The thought of them nearly bring me to tears but I tell myself, everything will get better, that how the world works but for people like me and Rob, we get close to happniss and then everything comes tumbling down, I don't know why I have this melancholy life or how I have it, why ask yourself depressing stuff when your trying to get out of depression, I don't know but that life fuck up way saying if your strong enough to get over depression than your strong enough to do anything, there so many questions but no answer in this world so we have to make up answer to make us happy and secure , one of my foster mum told me that depression is a war, you either win or die trying, it something that stuck with me. She thought I was depressed because she read my book, no it wasn't how many times I cut my self that came later, it got worse but she read what I thought in the day, which apparently was alway sad even if something happy was happing, she said.....
"Nisovin"
I look up again, I got lost in my thoughts, his tone was soft and look at me with concern.
"Yeah?"
"You ok?, I feel like we're focus to much on Rob and less time on you"
"I'm fine and Rob needs the attention"
"But your sad and destroying yourself"
"I"m not!, you took away all of my blades, I can't destroy myself"
I yell at him, anger brewed inside of me but it not just anger, it pain, it betrayal and sadness, I hate that he accuses me of doing something, I literally can't do.
"Have you look yourself in the mirror, your really skinny, Nisovin. Not cutting yourself does not mean your not destroying yourself"
The painful Thing is that I haven't even notice myself rotting away, I look down, now the bones on my hand are more on show than ever, for the first time a didn't want to be like this, I wasn't trying to harm myself, I was to busy worrying about someone else I didn't even notice I was rotting away while trying to save someone else who too,for that very moment, I let everything out. Trying to hold my tears for too long, I burst into tears, they streamed down myself, I couldn't control them, each tears was a sign of each time I kept quiet and sat there. I muttered out and through my tears, my breathless self, I said something that no one who destroying themselves should ever say.
"I....i'm....m....sorry"
"No need to say that"
"But I'am crying and I hurt myself"
"Crying does not mean your weak, it means you've been strong for too long"

Authors notes
Hey guys, so hope you like this chapter, it would mean a lot if you leave a comment and I have a new book called Predator, it a my babysitter's a vampire fanfic and I hope you like it, don't forget to comment, like and follow for weekly updates. Check out my friend book, she made this really good book called why did you go? And go follow her Orchid43

This was made on the Sunday 7 August 2016,
ok so my friends birthdays.. happen a couple of days ago so shoutout to Jesss_xoje and Katieemilymason

From Poblol and goodbye!!!