Fuckin Perfect (DISCONTINUED!!)

Miss 'No way its all good'

This is only an hour after Jack's mother picked him up

"Jack dinner will be ready soon, go wash up." Ma yelled from downstairs, probably in the kitchen.

Laying on my bed, all I could do was think. Think about Karl, about dad, about mom, even about Mark. Why is it I always ruin everything with my existence? I could remember Karl's kind voice telling me "it's okay not to be okay. But just be true to who you are." He was always cheesy like that, but I never cared. But that seemed to changed as I turned thirteen, I was so damn mean. I would run and say that I hate him; that's not true now. My heart broke when he was killed. I shook my head to clear it; it's about time I went to go see Karl.

Getting up from my bed, I slipped on some sneakers, unplugged my phone from the harger and ran to the bathroom next to my room. I grabbed a black case from tge bottom drawer and put it in my pocket. I ran down the stairs, avoiding my mother and sprung out the door.

"And where do you think you're going?" a harsh quiet voice asked. I turned to se Ma standing at the door frame, looking at me harshly.

"I wanted to go see Karl before dinner, is that okay?" I asked innocently. My Ma's eyes softened as tears glistened over them. Her blue safires glistened in the sun light, as the tears began to form at the brim at the mention of Karl's name.

"Okay baby, be back before ten?" her voice seemed to shake as she spoke. I nodded and rushed off to the end if the street.

I continued down the road and around the corner to where a graveyard stood only a mile away from there. I have to see my brother. I have to see my brother. My feet began to burn as I sprinted toward my destination. I finally came to a black steel gate that was wide open for the public. I stepped through the gate to smell the fresh flowers place on the special cups meant for holding them. Just up on the right was my family's graveyard area.

Quickly, step after step, I eventually got to the graveyard place for my family. All the tombstones looked identical, except one. The one I could recognize a mile away. It was black and slick along the surface. It was made from the finest marble and engraved with scribbles on the front. Though it had nonsense written on the front the back was even better.

"A brother, A son, A boyfriend, A great student, Loved my all"

Tears filled my eyes a bit as I got closer to the tombstone. I ran my hand over the top, then looked up to see that the sun was starting to set. Perfect. Sitting in front of the tombstone I read the front of it, just to remember what my dad had put in the front.

"Where are you now? Was it all in a fantasy? Where you only imaginary? Are you in Atlantis? Under the sea? Where you just another dream?

Karl McLoughlin"  

If I remember, dear old dad had song lyrics put on the tombstone, because "it sounds pretty." It meant nothing to anyone and he just throws it on his sons stone. It pisses me off.

I grabbed the black case from my pocket and set it on the ground. I flipped open the case top to reveal my razor blades. Most has sickening crimson red stains over the sharp edges. Next to them was a bottle of pills, and one of my dads loaded handguns.

"I'm sorry Karl, I'm sorry I messed up. I know I didn't make you proud, I should've been someone by now, but I never figured out how to be what everyone wants me to be. But I should've tried harder, done better. It's my fault your dead."

Trigger Warning

I picked up one of my old razors from the black case. Bringing it to my skin, I pushed down, hard. The warm liquid dripped down my arm. Satisfaction filled my heart as well as my stomach. Like a knot was untied. I breathed out before slashing at my skin. Over and over I slashed at my skin, well finally my whole arm had cuts and blood drizzling everywhere.