221c - A Sherlock Fanfiction

John

I mounted the stairs to 221b. It was my week for the groceries, and I was coming to give them to Sherlock.

I heard shouting. Sherlock's deep, booming baritone was unmistakable, and the woman's yells were undoubtedly Allison. They were fighting.

The shouting continued. I heard the dull thump of a pillow being thrown, and the crash of something falling over.

I threw open the door. I was right. They just kept screaming at each other about single digits.

"WHOA, EVERYBODY CALM DOWN!" I bellowed, setting the groceries down. They fell silent, both fuming, as they turned to look at me. "Good. Now, can you please tell me what the HELL THIS IS ALL ABOUT?"

They both began talking at once, and soon they were back to full blown shouting and screaming. Great. "I ASKED YOU TWO TO SHUT UP!" I roared. My patience was wearing thin. "Can you two stop acting like children for ONE SECOND, and talk this through like adults?!"

I pulled Sherlock over to his chair with a gruff "sit." I did the same to Allison, forcing her into the armchair that used to be mine. I pulled up the chair that we used to have clients sit in, and I sat down.

"Now," I began. "Allison. Can you please tell me why you were fighting?"

"Well-" she began, but Sherlock cut her off.

"She-"

I cut him off. "I asked Allison to speak. Is your name Allison? I didn't think so." He glowered at me. I was being especially savage today. But like I said, my patience was wearing thin. The baby had kept Mary and I up all night, and I was not in any mood to deal with insolence.

Allison began again. "Well, once we had finished seeing clients," I was a little surprised when she said this. I didn't know that Sherlock had asked her to see clients with him. She continued. "He asked me what my IQ was, after complimenting my deductive skill. I told him my IQ,"

It was my turn to cut her off. "What is your IQ?"

"178."

"Whoa. That's really high, higher than Albert Einstein!"

"Thanks! Anyway, so when I told him my IQ, which I thought, at the time, was 175, he stand up and shouts 'HA! 176!' and I challenged him to a test retake, wherein I got 178, and he got 179. I claimed that one digit means nothing, but he claims that one digit means all the world."

I looked at them both incredulously. "That's what you're arguing about? Who's smarter? Are you bloody kidding me?"

"Well it matters!" exclaimed Sherlock, indignantly.

"No, it does not!" Allison and I said, around the same time.

"John-" Sherlock began, but I cut him off.

"Whatever you have to say, save it." Allison looked at Sherlock, triumphant. I shot her a glare. "You too." I snarled. "Both of you are acting like bloody ridiculous children! Children! And I am tired of having to play parent!"

They both looked into their laps, cowed. "Now," I said. "Apologize to each other."

"Sorry."

"Sorry."

It didn't sound like either of them meant it. I didn't want to press the matter any further, so I picked up the groceries and loaded them into the fridge. I heard Sherlock mutter from the other room.

"I'm still smarter."

I also heard the grunt that meant the pillow that Allison threw had hit its target.