Me, myself, and Shawn Mendes

Chapter12//Secrets

Emma POV:

I was on the couch, on the phone with my best friend. We were talking about Shawn and school and Shawn even more. It had been a month, everything was good. Shawn face timed me every single night to tell me good night.

"Emma go on mtv quick!"she screamed into the phone, to be honest I felt like my ear drums were damaged.

"Alright chill!" I screamed right back.

I grabbed the remote, and I clicked yhe buttons to change the channel. Right there my heart shattered. Big letter shouted on the screen; SHAWN MENDES AND ARIEL WINTER DATING!

"Emma you there?!" My best friend screamed.

"No---" I replied with tears in my eyes.

"Emma---" she screamed again.

"Can you stop! Just leave me alone right now!" I screamed and I hanged up.

I went to my phone and saw Instagram comments. Harsh ones. Ones like the other ones that just made me want to hurt myself before. I ran upstairs to my room, crying my eyeballs out. It was one thing to leak my Instagram and talk about me being his girlfriend without my permission. It's another thing when he keeps a secret from me as big as him dating another girl and she's freaking famous. She's a singer and an actress. Was I not good enough to for him. I grabbed my phone and read the comments that were rolling in on my latest post. Comments popping up every second I would blink my eye.

Comments like:

Haha! You dumb freak. Shawn got a girl prettier than you, talented than you, most of all better than you. I'm happy he made this choice.

Lol! Omg! Shawn dropped you so fast. 😂

See. You were a hoe to Shawn. Now he dumped you for a prettier girl. Damn Shawn! Nice one!

If I were you I would just kill yourself. Shawn was a good looking guy and that's probably the best you can do.

It was really devastating to hear such words again. They hurt, felt like they were cutting right through me. Stabbing me over and over again. I cradled myself back and forth crying into my knees. I felt hurt and betrayed.

I fell asleep on top of my bed, with my makeup messed up and smeared under my eyes. I felt like I was over reacting, but I was hurt. When you loved someone as much as I love Shawn, someone can't understand how painful it was to hear that he was going out with another girl.

After my sleep, I woke up and opened my laptop, I had five missed FaceTime calls from Shawn. Then right when I was getting out of the bed my laptop began to ring again. This time I picked up.

"Hey, babe!" He said happily.

"No. Leave me alone. You are a freaking jerk. How can you freaking tell me you won't forget me like a month ago then go out without a new girl without even telling me or at least breaking up with me first. How can you do that with me? Do you know how much freaking hate I'm getting right now? Like how can you do this, I loved you and I supported you. I freaking sprained my ankle for you at the airport. You freaking low-life jerk!"

"Babe I --" he tried saying.

"No don't call me babe. We are done Shawn. I'm done. I'm done with you! Go have fun with Ariel!"

I hung up on him, I was full of frustration and anger and I was super depressed. I wanted to die at that point. I got up from my bed. I leaned against the wall. I felt tears coming down again. I look down at my arms. Trying to hold back what I wanted to do, what his fans wanted me to do to myself. I walked to my desk and opened the drawer. I had a pocket knife in there in case I ever need to open a package or something as a weapon of defense. I threw myself against the wall and put my forehead on the wall. I flicked the pocket knife so the blade was out. I took a deep breathe in then out.

"I was never ready for you to leave, Shawn" tears ran down my face as I felt my warm blood trickle down my hands to the floor. Cutting myself was something I thought about before, because I was so insecure, and I still was. I put the thought behind me, in the past. Then with all that Shawn stuff it's like my brain wanted me to do it, for the sake of my depression. My anger at myself and at him became stronger. I began cutting more, this point it didn't hurt. My whole body was just so full of emotions it's like it went blank. I watched as the drops of blood, fell down to the floor, staining my carpet.

"I loved you, so much. I'm not over reacting at all. You hurt me. Your fans did this to me. It was all you Shawn it was all you!"

I flipped around and rested the back of my head on the wall with my cut up wrists on the wall as well.

"Please. Stop the pain." A tear fell down my face. Falling down to my neck.

So guys! How was this chapter! I'm so sorry for using Ariel winter! And yeah this chapter was pretty depressing in my opinion. But yeah and thx to Queen_Blossom for helping me find those pictures. 😘😘😘they're great.