A kiss with a fist

Cold Blooded

Drucilla p.o.v

 Every face wears a mask.

That's what they say. That everyone hides behind the person they strive to be. That behind the confident prima donna there is more. The person that nobody else see's; the feeble. 

They're wrong, and by them I mean Micah and Trevor. The two idiots whole feel that somewhere deep inside this so called "facade" of mine that i'm still inside of me. Now as if that makes any sense and as their obsession grows my loathing towards them increases. I do not wish to be changed or saved. What happened to accepting someone as they are? Maybe I am not the best me I can be. They, however, have no right to interfere with that. If they truly love me they would let me be. 

They swear by the fact that I feel no emotions. Then why do I feel such hatred towards everyone? Maybe I am a cold bitch. Having a back bone though is what gets you through this life. Which makes me so proud that I have finally invested in one. Even if it means I had to be hit by a 16 wheeler and on the verge of death for it.

To be honest I don't know what to do with myself. I feel an emptiness inside of me that only feels full after I kill. Is this what it felt like for Ted Bundy and Gacy? Is this how it starts? I want to satisfy the hole in my gut however I am not too found of what I have to do in order for me to feel whole again. At this point I could give a shit less. I am on house patrol though but if  I really desired to i'm sure I could get out myself or with the help of Damien. For now I will have to settle on a fine salad and possibly some cookie dough ice cream.

Today I plan on working on my skills. If I want to be at my full potential again I have to work towards it. I got back on my old training schedule with the help of Damien. He added a few things to the list so that i'll be kicking ass again in no time. 

I went down the steps quietly to not allow anyone to know that I am up yet. The last thing I want is for kill joy 1 and 2 to wake up. I should of known they would be down here waiting for me to wake up because there they were, enjoying a cup of morning coffee.

"Want some?" Micah inquired warmly hoping to get on my good side. 

I glared at him as I walked towards the door. I used to go on a run every morning to wake myself up and keep myself in shape. I had the intention that if they saw me getting back into the old routine I used to have they would lay off my back. 

"Where do you think you're going?" Trevor asked as he gazed over my attire. 

I took a deep breath to calm myself. "As if it isn't already clear-cut, I'm going on a run." I then pushed past him and started on a slow jog. I didn't bother turning back to see his expression towards it because I already know he's okay with it. What a stupid mistake that'll be one day.

I decided on running on a new path. There was a hiking trail about two miles from the way i'm running now. There was a satisfying breeze out which made the run more enjoyable. One thing that I can relate to from my past is the undeniable feeling of relief when I run. As if all my problems have momentarily faded away.

I wish it were that easy... running away from my past. I mean god damn I have tried so many times and people from my past always have a way of finding me and bringing me back to this shit town. No matter what I do they always forgive and forget. I need to go out with a bang... I need to do something that will make them wish to never see my face again.

Beads of sweat framed my face and that's when reality came back to me and I realized I was now in the forest. Tall green trees surrounded me for miles as I continued on the dirt trail. I took the time to take in the beauty of the few creeks I passed and the scenery. Not too far from where I was now, there's a family standing amongst a faint waterfall playing with a dog. I remember seeing happy family's years ago and how it pained me to know I would never have that. Which brings me back to my initial statement of how glad I am that I no longer feel anything anymore.