A kiss with a fist

Waking Light

My eyes were locked on the doorbell in front of me. I wanted to press it but couldn't maneuver my fingers towards it. It's been a good ten minutes since I had gotten here which had me thinking that maybe I'm just not ready to find out the truth behind my mothers disappearance yet; whether she was dead or alive, but at the same time there was an itching inside me wanting to know and I don't think I can push that away.

I sighed deeply completely unaware of what's in store for me when I push the button, but somehow I did in between all my thinking I had pressed the button. My heart was pumping faster than it ever had more so than the adrenaline rush I get from a kill. I felt as if I may pass out right here if she didn't come to the door soon; and almost as if my prayers had been answered a woman in her mid forties with long locks cascading down her back was staring back at me. The funny thing is, is that there was not questioning in that fact that she knew who I was because remorse filled her pale eyes and for a second I noticed pain but not to my surprise it was gone as soon as it came. 

With seeing her reactions I knew, and she knew that I knew. Although we both knew neither of us could muster up the courage to speak to one another, or for her matter invite me in. So we both kind of stood there observing one another and trying to find that courage to speak and end the awkward silence. 

She won. "I should of figured this day would come..." She trailed off, "please come in, Drucilla."

Hearing my name come out of her mouth felt like poison. I didn't speak though; instead I trailed behind her, observing my surroundings and her beautiful home. It was exceedingly large which made me wonder what she has been doing with her life since... Since she decided to leave. It was almost like one of those dream homes on HGTV, everything was formal with taste. In the midst of my fascination I scanned for any kind of photos. Had she remarried? Did she have more children? 

"Please take a seat." She directed me to a chair sitting across from her, french snacks sitting on the table among us. "You must have so many questions."

It was like my reactions were sluggish because I finally felt the delayed tears burning in my eyes. "I mean..." I began to say, not really knowing what to say, or how to say them. "Well it's just..." I began to feel a bit frustrated towards myself for making a fool of myself right now but it was so damn hard speaking to a woman whom I thought was dead my whole life. 

"How could you?.... How are even alive... I mean.." I stuttered. 

I could see it in her face, pity. "Well I guess I should start from the beginning." She began. "I'm sure you remember the day your father attacked us with his men, well you see I didn't actually die that day. I was supposed to but was only momentarily knocked out but I had lost so much blood. I called up Ace knowing what I had to do to keep you and your brother safe. Ace took me in and got me the help I needed and I moved out here to be sure you never found me." She took a deep breath, "look this is going to sound so very messed up but you have to understand why I did this... Ace used one of the body's of a victim, it was so mutilated that nobody would ever know who it was. The police found it and Ace identified it as my own." She paused to let me take all of that in before she continued on. 

At this point I'm not too sure if I was even breathing. I felt like I was going to vomit but managed to keep down my breakfast. She could tell I was feeling uneasy and tilted her head to see if I was okay. I took a deep breath and nodded for her to continue on. 

"While Ace took care of everything you lived at a foster home. You starting to fight and what not was not part of the plan but it worked out anyway, making it seem as if that's why Ace recruited you. I wanted Ace to take you in with your brother because I didn't want to fear your father anymore and I knew that with time he would be after you too, and then your brother. There was no stopping that so I thought that if you were strong and trained enough you could care for yourself." Her voice drew softer now, "I didn't really think about the consequences..."