Perfruor | Psychopath | Jimin

19. Trick

If you find any errors, please, be kind enough and correct them in the comments, because I'm too tired to do it myself. <3

Very confusing chapter. Be aware.

Happy Halloween!!!

As he holds my hand, strongly determined to not let anything pass between them, I feel powerful. That's a feeling I haven't felt for a long time. In fact I've never felt like this with Yoongi.

Stop.

Why do I always find myself comparing Jimin to Yoongi? Jimin is not Yoongi. Yoongi is not Jimin. None of them will ever be the other person, and my brain should stop comparing them by now, but I can't. I've gone through so much with Yoongi, and when he left he took a huge piece of me with him. I just hope he returns it.

However, I'm not sure if I can channel this newly felt feeling of power into love.

It doesn't feel like that. I mean; it sure does feel good. It's something I would like to have around me all at all times, but it seems addicting. Not the good type of drug you find in someone you love, but the demanding and dominant type.

It sounds crazy. It really does, but what am I supposed to think? What am I supposed to do? I'm confused to the core. I have no idea why I let myself kiss Jimin. After all; it really was voluntary. Even though I am ashamed to admit; I'd do it all over again, in less than a heartbeat.

The kiss... It may have been a wrong turn. For a split of a second I actually thought it could be the two of us, but I can't. It never could. I don't know what I was thinking with.

Both, Jin and Hoseok leave the room as soon as they get the chance. Hoseok is even more eager than the doctor to leave. He almost runs out of the room, while Jin gives me a last look.

He's so dramatic, Jin I mean. Giving me a look of disappointment, he almost goes out the door. I roll my eyes.

I have known this man for a couple of years now. We go way back 'till I was in fourth grade, in fact. He is twelve years older than me, and was a friend of the family. After I moved out, he stopped interacting with my parents. My mother blamed him for putting the ideas of moving out inside of my head, and I guess my dad never went against that theory, so they just slipped away.

He was the son they never had, and my parents were the parents he would have had if it weren't for the fact that he lost his own, at a very young age.

For me he had always been a brother. In my eyes he had always been family, and that was also the reason for why I raised my eyebrows and couldn't believe what I just had heard, when one of my friends told me she found him cute.

The first thought that stroke my head was "Ew." After suppressing my gags I actually was rational about this. My friend even asked me if it was okay for me, if she made a move on him. And that was just a plain awkward question to answer, because even if I said yes, why would she think it was okay to date a guy who was twelve years older than her.

Never. Not even once had I thought about Jin being more than a brother, but still; I really wanted him to myself. He was the brother I never had.

In many ways Jin made my dreams come true, and I only have him to thank for making me a psychologist. However, there is an end to this story too.

Before I moved out, it wasn't only my relationship to my parents that went bad.

Jin wasn't only the facial parts. Jin was also a cook, cleaner and a good man at heart. Not to exaggerate, but I honestly think my parents wanted either me or my sister to end up with him. This is when my sister comes into the picture. Older sister, in fact.