forty-one

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Finishing my last bit of packing in the morning with the girls was bittersweet. Most of me was glad to be leaving that awful school but a small part of me was going to miss all the fun I'd had with the girls there. And of course the fact that everything was still in the air with Luke.

As I brought my bags downstairs with the girls, I dropped them off by the door and paced back and forth outside Luke's classroom for about 5 minutes before I took a deep breath and decided I had to do it whether I wanted to or not.

I knocked on the door before letting myself in without an answer. Luke was packing up the remainder of his classroom into a few boxes and smiled over at me as I stopped a few steps inside the closed door.

"Daisy," he smiled at me. "You're officially graduated and out of high school. And you're going to the university you've been wanting to go to for years."

"Yeah," I managed to smile, taking a couple more steps into the classroom.

"What are you doing in here? Don't you have a train to catch soon?" He asked, leaning against the side of his desk.

"They start boarding in a half hour," I said. "I was just coming to say goodbye."

"You'll see me in a few days," he approached me, taking my face into his hands and leaning down to kiss me. I couldn't stop it from happening now, the tears started pouring from my eyes and when he pulled away, I leaned my head against his chest to hide the fact that I was crying.

"Whoa, Daisy," he took my face in his hands and forced me to look up at him. "Why are you crying?"

"This is it," a couple tears fell from my cheeks. "This whole thing we had going, it's all over now. And I was here thinking it was never going to end."

"What?" he asked. "You're ending this?"

"I mean--" I stopped. "Isn't that what you're doing?"

"No," he shook his head. "I promise this isn't the end Daisy. Don't you believe that what we have is real?"

"Yes," I nodded. "With all my heart." 

He leaned down and kissed my nose. "This isn't the end Daisy. You better go catch your train though. I'll be seeing you at your graduation party next week though; don't you worry." 

I nodded and let him kiss me one more time, wiping away my tears and hugging me before I let myself out of his classroom. 

Although Luke was reassuring, I wasn't a part of the excited bustle the girls all had on the train. They were excited to be done with high school, and I was too, but I couldn't muster the same enthusiasm they did with the whole thing on my mind.

"Daisy!" my parents hugged me as I got home, kissing me on the forehead and telling me again how proud they were of me for completing high school so well and getting accepted into the university I'd been wanting my entire high school. 

"I was wondering," I said as we sat and ate our lunch together. "if El could come over and spend the night tonight. We want to celebrate for finally getting through it all."

"Of course!" my mother said. "Eleanor is welcome over anytime she'd like."

"Thank you," I smiled. "We're going shopping first and then we'll be back by dinner."

"Okay dear," she said as I took my plate into the kitchen. 

Walking downtown London in the warm sunny air of June was refreshing after a long, cold winter. It was around 60 degrees outside and it was nice to be able to wear my favorite floral romper again. I tried to dress like I was happier than I was in hopes of fooling El. I knew it was no hope. 

"Something tells me Hemmings didn't seal the deal before you left this morning," she said as she was looking at a dress she wanted me to try on.

"What makes you think that?" I asked. 

"You're so quiet, that's why," she said. "Not to mention you'd be jumping up and down telling me all about it by now. And the fact that you've finally graduated."

I sighed. "No. Nothing was made official."

"Oh Daisy," she also sighed. "You let things worry you so much. You need to have some faith! He didn't end things or you'd be crying your eyes out. You have to stay optimistic; you guys aren't illegal anymore now."

"I suppose you're right," I said. "But it still worries me."

"Daisy come on," she said. "You're not going to spend our time together moping about Hemmings. I got my hands on some vodka and we're going to get crunk tonight."

I laughed at my goofy best friend. "And how did you manage to do that?"

"I've got a few tricks up my sleeve," she winked. 

The night ahead of us was a bit of a blur. We both got relatively drunk and giggled about meaningless bullshit, shushing each other in fear my parents would wake up and find the mess we'd made of ourselves. We thought it would be fun to sneak out into the jacuzzi in the backyard but the small bit of logic I had left decided there was no way we'd be able to keep quiet. 

I eventually passed out, the vodka luckily able to drown out my thoughts about Hemmings for the night and I was finally able to relax and enjoy myself, unaware of the eventful week I had waiting for me when I awoke. 

-

A/N: WOW I'M BACK ITS A MIRACLE

i know that i'm honestly a piece of shit for taking so long to post this but you guys have been so patient thank you thank you thank you

i'm going to ATTEMPT another chapter tonight, no promises but we'll see what happens!! x

also yay because i got a new laptop so i'll be able to have something other than my phone to update on yeeeee

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