Changing Tides 《COMPLETE》

Chapter 16

Chapter 16

The ride from the storage unit is spent in silence, and in only minutes we're pulling into Bennett's driveway. Roland's engine purrs against the summer's night, the noise a welcome distraction to my racing thoughts. What am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to do? It's like my brain is shutting down, too overwhelmed by the emotions and thoughts careening through the channels of my mind.

My lips still tingle from my best friend's kiss, a kiss that turned my view of him inside out. For years Roland has been my buddy – the guy I lean on when times get tough. He's the one who cleaned up my puke after more than my fair share of drunken nights, the one who saw me naked the year I had that awful flu and had to help me into the shower. Hell, he's the one who spent countless hours with me at the strip club, placating me as I tried to forget Annie's face by distracting myself with other women.

And all along...

He was gay.

He is gay.

I reach for the door and clear my throat. "I guess I'll see you around?"

Roland's gaze flickers over to me. It's hard for me not to focus on his lips, lips that not long ago were pressed against mine. The bottom one is slightly swollen, evidence enough that he wasn't the only one participating in our moment of intimacy.

"Trey," he says, his voice even and calm. "We can talk it about if you want. I realize it's a lot to take in, but..."

His voice tapers off. I force myself to meet his gaze, and when I do I wish I hadn't. His wounded expression makes me flinch with guilt. His rich, brown eyes swarm with curiosity, their probing gaze searching for a look, an expression – anything to indicate how I'm feeling about all of this.

True to form, however, I give nothing away. My expression remains impassive, my gaze impenetrable and blank despite the utter pandemonium being orchestrated internally. It's a trait perfected over the years. For the longest time I thought it was a good trait - out-toughing even the toughest guys and all that bullshit.

Now here I am - sitting inches away from Roland and unable to form a single word. Perhaps it's not such a strength after all. I open my mouth to try and match my thoughts to words, but the stretch of silence continues. Hell, this morning I woke up assuming my best friend was sleeping with my ex. Come to find out, he wasn't. He doesn't even like women – a fact proven to me through a solid minute of saliva swapping.

Alright, more like two minutes.

That kind of information overload doesn't sink in during a short trip from the storage unit back to Bennett's condo. As I try to piece together everything that's happened between us, though, I have a self-realization that stops my thoughts in their tracks.

I wasn't the one who stopped our kiss.

Sure, I realized before that I was allowing Roland to kiss me, but now that I think back on it, he was the one to pull away. Not me. My jaw tightens as I replay the kiss in my mind. I try to tell myself that I didn't stop him in order to prevent his feelings from being hurt.

But when I feel myself hardening as I imagine his tongue dancing with mine, I know that isn't true. I didn't stop him because...I wanted him to keep going.

My fingers tighten around the handle. I fling the door open, no longer wanting to be in this stuffy car with Roland or my antagonizing thoughts.

"Nah, I can't right now. But I'll see you at practice, bud."

I give him a half-hearted wave and slam the door. As I jog up the length of the walkway, I can feel my best friend's gaze following me every step of the way. My limbs tremble as I open the front door to Bennett's condo. A rush of cool air greets me as I step inside, the feeling welcome against my heated cheeks. I push it closed and slump against the door.