New Tomboy

This is me

Danny's pov

To say im scared is an understatement. I am terrified. I feel like if I tell him about my past I feel like he's going to treat me differently even tho I know he wouldn't do that to me. Its just gonna be hard for someone else to know what has happened to me in my past. I don't even know how im even gonna start or how he's going to react. I haven't said a word since I told him I would tell him. Right now were at the same diner we went to when we hung out with everyone. Its been completely silent between us two.

"In 3rd grade I started getting bullied by a lot of people. I had no friends so I was always alone and I had no one to talk to. A few months into 4th grade Kaiden moved to my school. I didn't think much of it at first than he started talking to me and we became really good friends and in a week we were best friends. We were inseparable. Kaiden didn't know about the bullying and I wanted to keep it that way for a while because since we barely became friend I didn't want to lose him to quickly." I kept my head down during the whole thing not once did I have the guts to look up because I knew his eyes would only hold pity. He didn't dare interrupt me during the whole thing but I could feel his stare on me.

 "At first it was just verbally it stayed like that till 5th grade. Than people started hitting me, throwing stuff at me, basically anything that hurt me. Yet Kaiden was completely oblivious to my bullying. Half way through 5th grade Kaiden found he was infuriated that I never told him. He told me he could help me, he could try to make it stop, but I knew he couldn't so I told him not to get involved because if he did I thought it would get worse. but he didn't listen to me which made everything worse. He kept telling me that he wished he could make it stop. I could tell it hurt him to see me like that so I started hiding everything. I hid my sadness and pain. At first it was hard to hide anything from him but than I got better at it since I hid it from everyone else also. I started faking being happy just for him." My hands were resting on the table and while I was telling him this he reached across the table and grabbed my hands and held them across the table but I still didn't have the nerve to look up.

"You wanna know the real sad thing tho?? It got so easy to fake my happiness, my smile, my laugh, anything that made me seem happy. The thing is I faked everything even after the bullying stopped it just became natural to me I always faked everything until I met u guys." I finally got the nerve to look up into his eyes. I was surprised there was no pity no emotion in his eyes. He had a small smile on his lips telling me to go on. Giving my hands a light squeeze every once and awhile. "You guys showed me what it like to actually be happy I have never been as happy as I am now."

"I was 'happy' in his eyes for the rest of 5th grade. During summer we stopped talking little by little I didn't know why. Than we went to middle school it was good at first because we started talking again. than a few weeks in and he completely stops talking to me. I was upset because of that but of course I hid it. With the bullying still going on and him not being there for me I lost all kind of happiness. I noticed he started hanging out with the group that bullied me after that he became my bully. At first he would have sorrow in his eyes so I thought they were making him somehow but that he started getting worse and in a few months he was my main bully no one was as bad as him because he knew all my weakness he used our friendship against me." I can feel the tears stinging the back of my eye, but I was not gonna let them come out I haven't cried in awhile and im not going to let that ruin because of my past.

"It went on like that till the end of 8th grade. I was terrified about starting 9th grade because I thought the bullying would start again but I heard he moved I didn't know if it was true or not so I waited for but I wasn't as scared as I was before but I was still kind of scared. School started no bullying, no one paid attention to me. And I rather be ignored than bullied." Some of the next few things were things I hate myself for doing but I cant erase the past. I look down once again because im to embarrassed to look at him. "Once Kaiden left the bullying completely stopped and I was happy about that but I never got my best friend back I lost my best friend to a bunch of bullies. During the beginning of 4th grade I became depressed I started cutting. I cut my forearm, thighs, stomach anywhere that could be hidden. And when he left me I became suicidal, I tried to kill myself. I'm not proud of it but what can I do. I tried to kill myself 3 times already. I used to go to therapy 3 a week. My therapist thought I should go to a mental institution but I didn't want to so my dad said no."

I hate my self because I cried. I couldn't control myself. Its just to much retelling my story I have never done it before. In a split second Drew is by my side trying to help me calm down it actually works sort of but im grateful he's trying to help me. "And my sister doesn't even know any of this has happened to me and my dad barely knows anything."

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Otay dan. :))

1059 words