The Marauders: Year Five #Wattys2017

Boink

Boink

"Alright, you lot, new dormitory rules --" James announced. It was the next morning and James's eyes were dark with lack of sleep from having been up half the night convincing Peter that Sirius would not kill him if they went up to the dormitory to go to bed. It had been an awkward first few moments of the day - Sirius still in Remus's bed, the boys still tangled up under the sheets - Remus and Peter were both redder than tomatoes and neither could look the other in the eyes... "There will be absolutely no shagging in the dormitory."

Sirius fired up at once. "You filthy, bleedin' sod-off of a hypocrite!" he yelled, pointing at James.

"Hypocrite?" James asked, "How do you reckon I'm a hypocrite by saying no shagging in the dormitory?"

Sirius replied, "Because you know damn well if Evans waggled her eyebrows at you just right you'd be shagging like the carpet up here."

James threw his pillow across the room. "You're filthy," he said as Sirius ducked the pillow and it sailed into the corner behind Remus's bed. "I wouldn't shag Evans in our dormitory - this is all of our room and --"

"Exactly! It's all of our room," Sirius said, "If Rey and I aren't to shag here, where are we to shag."

"Can we stop saying shag?" Remus pleaded.

"Yes, please," begged Peter, who couldn't erase the image from his mind of his two mates stacked as they'd been - he felt like he needed a good memory charm to wipe it out.

Sirius looked 'round, "Would you rather I asked where we are to fuck then?"

"No, go back to shag," Remus replied quickly.

James said, "Well whatever you want to call it - doin' it, makin' a double backed beast, makin' love, fucking, shagging, the hanky panky, woo-hoo, whoopie or whatever other derogatory terms Sirius can think up - do it somewhere not in the dorm. You've traumatized Peter."

Sirius snickered and looked over at Pete with a wicked grin.

Peter turned even redder.

"There always the Trophy Room Passageway or the Shrieking Shack," murmured Remus.

"Exactly," James said.

"And you're gonna drag Evans out to the Shrieking Shack to boink her are you?"

James rolled his eyes, "Sirius, the odds of me ever boinking with Evans are very low, she doesn't even give a pixie's arse about me, alright, so stop using that as an example. I'll probably never be boinked in my life. I'll die boinkless."

Sirius snorted. "You could go down to the common room and get at least four girls to agree to boinking you on the spot. They'd boink yer bloody brains out."

"Bologna!" yelled James.

Remus nodded. "It's true, you could. And that's just the Gryffindors. And the girls. I reckon there's probably a couple boys would boink you as well."

Peter grabbed a pillow and held it over his head, covering his ears.

"And you're a bloody lying lemming if you try and say you wouldn't be up in the dormitory having a boink session if you was given' the chance," Sirius added. "'Specially with Evans."

"Well it doesn't matter, does it, as I'm not with Evans."

Sirius squinted, considering a moment, "December. December... fifteenth. Yeah," he murmured.