Forget to Remember

Bummer

I am not the happiest or healthiest person

And I like myself all the same

We were girls becoming women

Doe or dull-eyed, I couldn’t say

Our sons will grow fat and to hate us

And blame us for their fathers’ absence

Siren wails don’t perturb us

“At least it’s not me”

We worry that Jesus Christ don’t love us

And well-accustomed to violence

In reality makes us shiver

And bristle with excitement

It’s okay because we don’t know our fathers, either

Be our fortune to not like us none

Maybe we can join a convent

Or maybe we’re just too used up

The best gay drug dealer in town tells me

“Catfat, you’re ate up”

Well we never thought we’d make it this far

You either climb up the ladder or fall of it

Fucking it up for the guy under you

Everybody has to get their kicks somehow

I like to get high and reassess my life

And then we tell ourselves we’re fucking up

But don’t worry we’ve got loads of time to change

Hoping we get to ‘do it’ on our own

By our own terms

Not that we’re able to verbalize them

We haven/t made up our minds yet

We don’t live in filth, but something eerily like it

Because we’re alone so much

We’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to use our voice

Or how to be around other people

And we can barely take care of ourselves

I guess we could get a kick from religion

Or seeking truth in mushrooms

Maybe just light or peace, fuck, your expectations

But we don’t know

We’ve felt higher

It’s a spiritual plain on a physical bed of nails

It’s looking at a clock

And wondering how long you’re really going to

Be around

It’s jumping at little sounds

No one else heard

Maybe it’s your decision making process

Or your parents fault

But you have to group yourself in the blame

Just because it feels good

It’s having a bad trip

If there really is such a thing

Finding a friend in the mailman

Or killing your cat just to prove you’ve

Can kill it

Or being afraid that they’re watching

Not doing nothing

I swears

I face taxation and I fear damnation

I’m god-fearin sacrilegious

And it’s okay to make clothes out of flags

Especially swimsuits 

Women are weak-willed and men grow dumb with violence

And hole me Christ the violence

It’s only appropriate to cry when reading the newspaper

And shake and sputter with fear

Afterwards, too much coffee

I used to feel like somebody you know

An effigy to

‘people that matter’

This is just a slow degrade

I used to think I was an existantalist

Now I come to realize

I’m just a bummer to be around