Forget to Remember

Clawing

Someone once told me that things in our lives are both overly significant, and majorly insignificant. That the things that we think or feel are really important to what we do everyday and the decisions we make in our lives, but, that in the grand scheme of everything, those things mean nothing.

I made a decision once. I decided to change the whole scope of my life, or to just end it altogether. 

This little tiny decision was what put the flaw in what this particular someone had told me when I was young.

I decided that the choice to live was a choice that would affect me, but that the choice to die would affect the people around me.

When we hurt, we think about what it takes to go away. i shouldn't generalize myself with the rest of the people that think about some weird emotional endless sleep. 

Endless sleep. God, I can almost gag myself with those words.

Suicide now is so romanticized now.

I guess it's things like this that make suicide seem like poetic justice or some kind of answer.

They say the best writers, the best creators are some of the single most damaged people that live in this life time. That's how having depression became a weird trend. That's why everyone is playing this stupid game of "Who Has The Most Fucked Up Past." 

The more I continue down this road of choice, the choice, the more I notice that opening up to people- letting people in: it's pointless. Unless you want to feel unworthy or like you could have it worse, and that because you could have it worse, you don't deserve to be depressed about your past- don't open up to people.

Opening up to people is asking to be one-up'ed. Something I think we've all come to realize is that people have gone so far even as to lie about the things that have happened to them so that they can roll in your sympathy. 

So here is my question for you. Whoever you are and wherever you're sitting.

How sad are you?
Do you ever think that maybe you've exaggerated something for someone else's damaged entitlement?

Do you think about killing yourself?