Forget to Remember

Home

"Home, I've heard the word before, but it's never been much more than just a thing I've never had. A place, they say hey, know your place, but I've never had a place to even know, or a place that I could go to if I needed someone there."

I thought I know that it was
Call a place my heart and home
When you held me I was invincible 
I wouldn't ever be alone.

But here we are, lost, afraid
I wish I could go back and say

Anything to make it change
I don't want it to be this way.

It's too late now, there's no changing this
This horrible feeling that sits on my chest
I wish you knew the pain a feel
But I wish you no harm and all the best

I can't pretend it doesn't hurt
I can't pretend that I'm okay
But every time you walk through that door
I'm way too lost on what to say.

The most pain I felt, the horrible feelings I lasted
You were there through all of that
But here we are, just four months later
Not knowing where we stand at

I don't want to be a stranger
I want to be your friend
But how you are with either

I can't be how it ends

I can't hold you anymore
And not because I don't want to
It's because I see differently now
But know I'll always love you

I guess this is my own fault
I'll accept this blame
I'll sit inside my bed alone
And remember all the pain

I can't remember much else
It will hurt too much

I have to remember your harsh words
Instead of gentle touch

I've given up on me
But never will I on you
You deserve the best of lives
Considering what you've been through

If you find that best of lives
In beds of other women
I can't be mad, I told you so

Away is where you're driven

I'll be me, and you be you
That's what's only fair

I'll bit my tongue, between clenched teeth
To pretend that I don't care

No one will ever replace

All we've done together
It's taken some real maturity
To realize that maybe this is better

I've two-stepped, bounced, and played around
To avoid this time
But I have to stop remembering
The happiness when you were mine.

I've heard the word before, but it's never been much more than just a thing, I've never had.

You were my home, my heart, my love,
At least, I believed as truth
Everything's different, I'll never see
I'm homeless now, are you?