Breathe Me Out Of The Darkness // n.h

Chapter 15

Liara's POV

We all have been through that moment when you wanted to leave everything and everyone behind you and run away as far as you could and never come back, or so I'd like to think.

As a kid, I had never ever pictured my life to become the way it is now. I was so innocent, so naive. Never have I ever imagined myself anywhere else except for the saftey of my home, with my mother, my friends and even my siblings. Just one big, happy family.

Then, as I was gazing silently at the people in front of me who were heatedly discussing about the situation we were in, I had realized that I was giving up. I was tired of fighting, all what I wanted was to run away, to hide, although it was not in my nature at all.

I slowly dragged the relaxing smoke out off of my cigarette as I looked back outside of my window. "Guys" I said loudly after I aggressively puffed out the smoke that relaxed my soul and put out my cigarette.

Everyone quietened down and looked at me. I turned my eyes over to them, only to see some kind of hope, maybe it was hope that I had finally found a solution or maybe it was hope that I'd finally tell them to give up, nonetheless, I was telling them the truth.

"What, Liara? Speak up, for God's sake!" Mariam's concerned face reflected on her voice. She suspected it, as I was guessing.

I stood up from the window's sill I was sitting on for the past hour silently and faced them all, Josh, Niall, Mariam, Celen, Harry, Louis and Liam. "I want out" I spoke with a calm voice as I looked at eachone's eyes. "I'm sick of fighting, I'm sick of life, I'll just run away".

Celen advanced towards me, grabbed my slouched shoulders and shook me. "Are you listening to yourself?!" She snapped at me.

I smiled. "I am, for the first time in my life".

Her shocked self allowed me to slip from her grip and walk towards my bed. I sat down beside Niall who was starring at the wall in front of him and grabbed my gun that was hidden in the back of my jeans. I gently threw it on the floor, snapping everyone's gaze towards it.

"I'm tired of having it around my waist twenty-four seven" I spoke while glaring at it. "I'm tired of turning to it when in times of danger. It became an addiction, always checking on it, always caressing its hard skin when I need to relax my mind and always taking care of it as if it's my own child... just like smoking, if not more addictive".

After a few minutes of silence, Josh crouched down in front of me. "Where will you go?" He softly spoke.

His warm brown eyes melting my icy heart a bit. I shrugged my shoulders. "As far as I can go" I whispered.

"How will I know that you're alive and safe?" His voice trembled at the end.

I looked for an answer in my brian, but found none. "I guess you'll never know" I said.

"Okay, stay safe, ple-" he was cutted off by Niall standing up and snapping at me.

"This is bullshit!" He snapped, his angry blue eyes gazing into my green ones. "You're giving up afterall what you've done?! Afterall the fighting you've been through to get home?!"

I stood up as well, making Josh stand up, too. "This is not home!" I screamed at him.

He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it and shook his head at me. Then, he turned around and strode out of my room, angrily banging the door close behind him.

"You shouldn't have said that" Harry said. "Liam, Lou, I think we're done here".

He walked out of my room, along with Liam and Louis. Louis, however, seemed hesitated at leaving, he looked back at me, his eyes holding disappointment, nonetheless, he followed and left. Mariam, Celen and Josh were the only ones left. My stomach flipped upside down in fury, fury at myself.

"Josh, you owe me" I spoke, cutting the heavy silence.

Josh's eyes lightened up in recognization. "Of course, what do you ask?"

"Take care of Celen and Mariam, keep them away from harm's way" I said. "Make sure Michael never knows where they are or if they're alive".

"Oh, my God!" Celen groaned. "Liara! I can't believe you're doing this, those people who just walked out are home, your home, idiot!" She screamed at me, her eyes holding rage. "If I had people who are willing enough to fight with me for my life, I'd never let them go, let alone walk away from them!"

"Celen" Mariam quietly warned, her voice blank from any emotion. "That's enough".

Josh's eyes locked with mine, as if savouring them. "Good luck, Liara... your request shall be done" he said, then ever so slowly walked out of my room, without looking back.

"I hope the best for you, Liara, and thank you for ensuring our safety" Mariam said and dragged herself and Celen out of the room.

"You're doing a huge mistake!" Celen screamed before Mariam shut my room's door.

I closed my eyes and fell back on my bed, sighing out in tiredness. A tear slipped down my face, somehow escaping my closed eyes. I thought about the people that I was going to leave behind, but I assured myself that they'll be okay and kept chanting in my head that I didn't care about them.

***

I quietly tiptoed towards my father's and Mira's bedroom, and slipped the note from under their door to the room. I had written: 'Dad, don't worry about me, I'll be okay. Mira, I'm sorry, I meant no harm for you or Sandy, forgive me.'. I doubted that my father would worry about me, but I was going to take my car and the credit card that he gave me, so I had to let him know.

Next, I went to Archer's room, opened the door and walked to his organised and empty bed, as he was away for some modeling things. I placed another note that I had written for him in the middle of his bed. It said: 'Archer, I'm sorry, I have to leave, I'll be okay and I love you, brother, take care.'. I walked towards his closet and took out one of his sweaters. Then, I walked out towards the room Mariam and Celen were staying in.

I slipped a note that said: 'I'm sorry, take care.', inside their room and headed for my room. On my bed, laid four notes, one for Niall, one for Louis, one for Monica and one for Lily, Iris and Arianna. I picked them up as well as my car keys and duffle bag that contained some necessities, and walked downstaires. I placed the note that was directed to my sisters on the kitchen counter, it said: 'You're forgiven, and I'm sorry'.

I quietly walked out of the house towards my car. It was two A.M, the house looked so uninviting. I went behind the steering wheel and drove out towards Niall's house for the first time since I had arrived. Once I had arrived, I went around his house and looked up at his window. I climbed up, using the tree, and opened his window, getting myself inside. As I had half suspected, he was not in there.

I looked down at his note and kissed it, leaving a mark of my pink lipstick on it. His note said: 'I'm sorry, I ruined your life. I have always loved you, Niall, and I'll never stop. Please, don't bother to look for me, I no longer want to hurt you. I'm so sorry.'. I laid it on his pillow. Louis' note said: 'Lou, please take care of Monica and Niall, and forgive me, please. Friends forever, right? Anyways, don't mind me and live your life'. Monica's note said: 'You're not pathetic. I'm sorry. You'll always be my best girl. Take care of Louis and Niall, please'. I placed Louis' and Monica's notes on Niall's nightstand and jumped out of his room.

Turning on the car, I started driving to wherever I could, as far as possible. Not once did I think of staying, not even for visiting my mother for the last time.

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Yup, I just did that.

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Enjoy, I'm sorry for not updating last week.

Mid terms are a fucking pain in the ass.

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AyaJ