Dan Howell imagines

I wish i could hate you-Phil

He's done it.
He's done what he promised he wouldn't.
He left me.
And I don't know what to do anymore.
I thought we were doing ok.
I needed someone and he left.
I guess I'm just not good enough...
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I had just got off of work. I walked to Phil and I's apartment, but when I walked in it looked different. Boxes were everywhere.
'Phil?' I shout. Phil slowly walks into the living room.
'What are you doing..?' I ask hesitant.
'I can't do this anymore.' He says avoiding eye contact.
'What do you mean? What the hell Phil?' I ask angrily. What does he mean he can't do this?! What have I done to him for him to leave?!
'What did I do? Why are you leaving?' I ask hopelessly.
'I found someone else.' He says shuffling his feet around. My heart drops. He found someone else. Someone better.
'Phil....Phil please don't leave.' Here comes the tears. 'You can't leave me. What am I supposed to do without you? You know what I'm going through and now you leave? What did I do?'
'I just can't deal with all of this. Everything that's going on with you. I can't help you. I've tried for months (Y/N). There's nothing I can do and I don't know what else to do. I'm sorry.' Phil says. All I can do is look at him in disbelief. He's leaving me. He's right, there's nothing he can do to help me.
'I'm sorry I'm not good enough Phil' I say with my head down. I slowly walk into ou-my room. All I can do is just lay down on the bed and cry. Cry until I can't anymore.
~~~~
It's been 2 months since Phil left. There hasn't been a day, an hour, I haven't thought of him. I've still been going to work but that's about it. I haven't hung out with my friends, I haven't eaten much, and I haven't been out for anything unless I absolutely need it. Phil seems happy, And that's all that matters. He was my world, and now that he's gone I don't know what I'm gonna do or what I'm doing. Whenever I hear his name or see his face on the internet, I always have to take a break or stop what I'm doing. It's still really hard but I'm trying to move on. We were together for 3 years. And he just up and left. How can someone do that? I wish I could hate him. I can't though. He means so much to me. It was starting to get late so I got ready for bed. As I was about to crawl in to bed, my phone vibrated. I looked over and it was a text from Dan. We haven't really talked since Phil left. Only to check in on me every couple weeks. I've isolated myself, so I haven't talked to really anyone. Dan texted me the other day asking how I was so I thought it was kind of weird he text me so soon. I pick up my phone and read the text
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D-(Y/N) you need to get down here. Phil is going crazy. I haven't told you but he's been crazy without you. He keeps saying he made a mistake leaving you. He didn't love the other girl. He thought he did. But he didn't. He misses you and has had more existential crisis' than I have and that's not normal for him. He needs you (Y/N), please come here ASAP.
---
I sigh. He never loved her? Then why did he leave? Obviously he was tired of me so why would he want me back? I stare at the text for a minute and think. Would it be worth it if I came? Does he really miss me?Did he really make a mistake? I sigh again and rub my face. Why am I doing this? I put my phone in my pocket, get my shoes on, get my keys and walk out the door. I walk to their apartment. I knock on the door when I arrive.
Dan opens it within seconds as if he's been waiting by it since he texted.
'Good. You're here. Please help him.' He says. I follow him up stairs and down the hill where their rooms are. When we get in front of Phil's door, I can hear him whimpering. Hearing that just breaks my heart. I look at dan and take a deep breath in and out and then nod my head yes and dan opens the door. We walk in and dan speaks first.
'Phil, someone is here to see you.' He says quietly. Phil looks up at me and I get a good look at him for the first time since we broke up. His hair is sticking up in some places and he looks like he hasn't slept in weeks. His eyes are bloodshot with tears coming out of them and running down his face. He is more pale then he was and for Phil, that's hard to beat. When he looks at me he immediately gets up and hugs me. I hug him back. Boy, have I missed his hugs. I just wish it wasn't so desperate.
'I'll leave you two alone...' dan says awkwardly walking out of the room.
'(Y/N), I'm so sorry for what I did. I wasn't thinking and I thought I really liked her. I thought she really liked me. We have just been kind of distant and I guess I wanted someone to pay attention to me again...I'm so so sorry for everything I have put you through.' Phil says in tears.
'It's ok Phil. I'm sorry we've been distant from each other.' I say crying as well.
'Do you hate me?' He asks sniffling unwrapping his arms from around me.
'Phil, if anything, i wish I hated you' I say looking him in the eyes. He smiles wide at me. I smile back.
'Can I have a second chance? I promise I won't mess it up this time. Please?' He asks praying at me. (Idk how to explain it but like this 🙏🏻)
'Of course ill give you a second chance. Just please, if you ever need me or you think we are drifting apart, come talk to me.' I say. He nods his head fast up and down.
'Good.' I smile up at him. He smiles back wiping his last few tears off his face. He leans in and kisses me. I miss back with full force.
'I've missed you' I say pulling away for air.
'I've missed you too' he says breathing out.

A/N- hey loves! So I'm writing a couple imagines at one time so that is why it is taking me a while to upload. I'm currently on winter break so hopefully I can finish them and post them😊 thank you for being patient💜 love you guys!