Zodiac Signs

What Greek God/Goddess They Are

Aries: ...Ares. Acting recklessly and solving problems with fists, no wonder your names are almost the same.

Taurus: Hermes, the god that can pull off lazy, and yet still steal your chocolate... I believe you've got some explaining to do.

Gemini: Wisdom beyond anyone else, you might as well be called Athena. Even better, Yoda.

Cancer: Have fun harvesting plants with Demeter. It may not seem cool, but Demeter got power over wheat. Yeah, you heard me right. Wheat.

Leo: Always meant to be the kings/queens, Leo is Zeus, king of the gods. Bow down bitches.

Virgo: Like Hephaestus, you like to sit in the corner and just do whatever you want to do. Make origami, create skyscrapers, whatever you feel like doing.

Libra: Love is in the air people! Make way for Aphrodite, the goddess of love!

Scorpio: Hera. Surprised you didn't get Hades? Me too. Like Hera, those that are disloyal or betray you will die, and not nicely either.

Sagittarius: You are Apollo. Wanted something else? Well, my Apollo-gees. You're stuck with bad puns the rest of your life. There's good music, too. Sorry, funny puns aren't my... Forte! Puns like these should get you in... Treble! Give it a... Rest! Yeah, I think the joke may be falling a bit... Flat!

Capricorn: Welcome to hell, Caps. You got Hades, lord of the Underworld. Enjoy your stay, you'll be here for a while.

Aquarius: Artemis. You're an independent woman (or man) that don't need no man (or woman) in your life! Animals and nature are your thing, but you like to hang out with people also.

Pisces: Pisces are Poseidon, god of the seas. But say whatever you want. Whatever floats your boat is fine by me. Ha, see what I did there? Floats your boat? Poseidon? You know, how he controls water? Boats? Never mind.

Just letting you guys know, I spent way too much time making sure this was accurate. You're welcome.

Puns are the greatest thing to happen to America.

Life lesson of the day:

Don't suck on a bunch a sour Icebreakers, or your tongue will start to peel off. It didn't look too pretty. And then I told myself that the damage was already done, so I continued to suck on them. If I had any left, I'd be eating more right now, but I'm not. Because they're all gone.

And they aren't coming back. Not until next Christmas.

What I'm saying is that you have to pace yourself, because soon they'll be gone, and you don't know when you'll get more. I could care less about the tongue part. They were just so delicious, so irresistible. Now my life has no meaning.