crystal method || Harry Styles au

28

Mai tossed her keys down on the kitchen table before grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge. The small apartment was silent except for the faint noise of a stereo. Harry wasn't supposed to be home for another hour and she was hoping to use the time to change into something more appropriate. She followed the sound of Elvis until she got to Harry's bedroom door; which was indeed closed.

"Harry?" she twisted the knob and was surprised to see that the door hadn't been locked.

Harry sat on the mattress with his back to the wall and a book propped up on his lap; a pair of reading glasses blocked his eyes.

Mai shifted on her feet at the sight of him shirtless and the room. He put some effort into cleaning it up and finally made use of the candles that were in the supply closet.

His book closed immediately and he got off of the bed in a hurry. "Sorry, I didn't hear you come in." He spoke quickly, which was rare for him since his voice had a natural slowness to it.

"Um, yeah, no problem." Mai questioned what she was seeing and scratched the back of her neck awkwardly. "Sorry, for barging in, I didn't mean-" She laughed uncomfortably at herself and shook her head before turning on her heel and attempting to leave. Harry stopped her before she had the chance to walk out of his bedroom.

"Hey, wait. This is all for you." He added while sensing her confusion. Harry watched as a smile gradually spread on her face and she moved closer to him.

"This is for me?" She looked around the room and listened closely to Harry's mixtape that was playing.

"Mhm." He mumbled and placed a hand on her hip; pulling her closer to him. "You said that you wanted to remember it." He smiled and leaned down to give her a small kiss.

"Hm, right now?" Mai looked him over as his hands roamed her body in an eager attempt to get her shirt off.

"Yes." He whispered and took her hand in his; pulling her to the mattress. He reached over to flick the lights off and Mai became mesmerized by the candle light.

"This is all beautiful." She tucked her hair behind her ear and held her hands above her head so Harry could take off her work shirt.

"I could name something else that's beautiful." Harry smirked and grabbed her gently by her chin; begging to kiss her again. Mai smiled against his lips and ran her hands down his chest. He found himself moving down her neck and slowly backing her into the bed; dropping down onto it together.

Mai had been waiting for the moment since she had met the young boy and she fumbled around with his belt; becoming frustrated.

"Eager much?" He rubbed his nose against hers and unbuckled his pants for her.

"Yeah, just a little." Her hand rested on the back of his neck and she pulled his face back down to meet hers. Harry pulled away to get out of his jeans and then swiftly removed Mai's without any issues. "It concerns me that you're that good at that." She chuckled and held in a moan while Harry worked his way down her neck and to her chest without hesitation.

Mai's fingers hooked onto Harry's boxers and she tugged at it playfully before getting enough courage to yank them off completely. Her knuckles brushed against his soft skin and a feeling she knew all too well. Harry inhaled deeply and stopped his movements with her bra to look up at her.

"Mai." He whispered and watched as her body went stiff. "Don't-"

She moved underneath him and he stood up; pulling his boxers back up and crossing his arms over his chest. Mai pulled the blanket up and over her body to keep warm.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she whispered, looking at his scars.

"Because," he replied, "I can hurt myself, but I can't hurt you."

Her face dropped into her hands and she gave up in holding in her tears.

Mai looked up to see his own eyes becoming weary. "So you're just going to pretend that you didn't hear me walking to the kitchen every night, to grab a knife and cry in my room. You're going to pretend that I wasn't screaming and needing someone every single night since we graduated." Mai mumbled to herself, but Harry was listening. He was always listening. "You were going through the same exact damn thing as me and you didn't bother telling me?" She shouted at him and shook her head in sadness. "I needed you, and you needed me; but you were so fucking stubborn that you never came to me for help. I thought you were fine. You knew I wasn't fine." Mai stood up and grabbed her pants and shirt off the floor.

"Mai, please, I didn't want to tell you." Harry held onto her hand for dear life and felt cold air wash over him.

"I loved you, and supposedly you loved me as well. You trust the people you love; you talk to them." Mai held her clothes over her body and bit her lip, waiting for the tears to stop.

"I don't love you Mai." He was speaking out of anger now. She didn't understand. No one understood.

"Wha-what?" Her eyelashes fluttered and something flipped in her chest.

"Love makes you vulnerable to the disappointments, to the feelings; but mostly to the smiles it gives you. Illusions of happiness that may never last, that may never stay. Everything I love, leaves. I'm not going to lose you." He tried pulling her closer but she ripped her hand out of his.

"I think you just did." She turned slowly and opened his squeaky door, walking out without looking back.