crystal method || Harry Styles au

29

Mai grabbed her coat and pulled it around her body tightly; running out the front door and slamming it behind her. It was a good 15 minute walk to the beach, but Mai knew that it was exactly what she needed. The sand was cold and the water would be colder but it took her mind off things. She slowly went down the empty beach and kicked the water in front of her; watching her breath in the air.

"Mai!"

She turned around and saw Harry's lean silhouette trod towards her and she groaned in frustration.

"You followed me here." She stated and faced forward, continuing in her direction from before.

"Of course I did." He reached for her arm to get her to slow down her pace and she spun around to give him a stern look. The sweat stains on his shirt reminded her that he ran his whole way there.

"What do you want?" She crossed her arms and looked up at him; straining her neck.

"You." He let out a long breath and she rolled her eyes. Harry's heart raced at the image in front of him. She was everything he could ever wish for; but he was no good for her. He never would be.

"Save me your bullshit-"

"No Mai. Look," Harry ran a hand through his hair and tried to steady his breathing, "I had a lot of time to think on my way over here okay. What do I have to do?"

"Nothing; Harry, you've done enough. You give me these- these journals - that show your 'so called' feelings for me, but the next moment you're trying to tell me that I mean just about nothing to you?"

"Okay, I think we've both established that I'm bad with my words." Harry placed a hand on her hip and pulled her close; a tight grip on her shirt. "I don't know what happened to us. You've changed so much since I met you and I-I know I've changed as well. But I miss the way it used to be. I don't want to be worrying about every single move I make, trying not to disappoint you."

"You don't disappoint me." Mai tried to squeeze in quickly but Harry kept rambling.

"But I think when you met me; you had this sort of fascination that you wanted to change me. I was bad for you and all you wanted to do was set me on the right track and now you're just stuck in the same boat with me." Harry was pretty right on and Mai was surprised at his understanding of the female brain.

"And you did change-" She spoke up and Harry cut her off.

"Not the way you wanted me to. I'm not going to change for you, or for anyone. This is me. The kid who smokes to ignore the things in his brain. The kid who's dad shot his mom and then killed himself after. The kid who got kicked out of school his senior year because he had sex with his teacher." Harry looked down and shook his head, more disappointed in himself than Mai could ever be in him. He knew she already knew all of these facts since they spread like wildfire through the small town and he was still trying to figure out how Mai had managed to overlook all of them.

"The kid who is afraid to fall in love." Mai's hand rested on his warm cheek and her lip switched up into a small smile- the same smile that never reached her eyes.

"When I told you in the hospital, I- I - You almost died. I couldn't risk it." He ran a hand through her hair and tucked it behind her ear.

"So you just changed your mind. Like that?" She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes and she decided it was time to finally flip the switch. She was done with being vulnerable and she was tired of being lied to. "You know what, please don't answer that." She placed a hand on his chest and drummed her fingers quickly; unaware as to if she should even be touching him right now. Was she the cause of all of his pain?

"Let's go home." Harry suggested and tugged on her jacket.

"I'm not going anywhere with you." Mai shook her head in protest, unsure if he could ever fully be the man she needed him to be for her, and waited for Harry to have a witty remark.

"What do you want me to do Mai?" He repeated himself from earlier and she bit her lip; thinking.

"8 letters Harry." She looked down at her bare feet and dug her toes in the sand. I love you.

"Taco Bell." He smirked and she hit him softly, laughing at his joke that was unfortunately funny.

"Wrong." She crossed her arms again and tried to keep a stern face. Harry backed away slowly and ran his hand through his hair. It was a terrible habit he was getting. He knew this was the absolute wrong time and he had planned on asking her after he had truly shown her what it felt like to make love with someone but she was asking for him to show his love to her and it was a decision he had been pondering since her accident.

She watched him as he dug in his jacket pocket without hesitation and gradually got down on one knee.

a/n: shitload of news just got dropped on me, and I can't continue writing, so I'll leave you with this little piece of work.

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