I'm Not Myself

7 1 4
                                    

><Collin><

I sprinted into the building, holding the freshly printed story against my chest, hoping to god that the rain hadn't made the ink run. In my pocket, my phone buzzed with a text. I had to ignore it, using one hand to open the glass doors into the office. 

Mr. Padalecki sat at his desk. He raised an eyebrow as I stopped abruptly. He put down the stack of papers in his hands, taking off his reading glasses. "Collin, you're almost late. You look terrible." Mr. Padalecki didn't say it cruelly so much as he was stating a fact. Which was probably true, if I was being honest. My tee shirt was wet and even muddy at the edges from all the cars passing me. I wasn't even wearing jeans-just a pair of baggy sweatpants.

I collapsed into a plush leather chair in front of his desk, putting my papers in front of him. "Sorry, sir. I only just managed to get these printed. It's been a long week."

He nodded, but didn't press it. I liked Mr. Padalecki, but he was more business than anything. My phone buzzed again, but neither of us acknowledged it. "Alright," he said, spreading the papers before him. "Let's begin. Tell me about this first story."

***

I climbed out of the Uber driver's car, saying a quick goodbye before running up my porch steps. My phone had five missed calls and ten text messages unanswered on it, but I didn't both with them. 

Inside, Josh was sitting at the kitchen table. As soon as he saw me, he stood up and wrapped me into his arms. "Oh my god, you're here. Finally."

"You think I would let you leave without saying goodbye?" I forced a laugh. "I wouldn't have kept you waiting if you hadn't told me so last minute."

"I thought I had told you." He shrugged, pulling out his phone to check the time. "This really isn't a very good goodbye. Not when I'm not going to see you for four months."

The guys were all going on tour around the states and Canada. Some of the shows weren't very far away, but Mr. Padalecki and I had discussed the editing and publishing of the stories, and it would be taking up a lot of my time. I would probably be able to go to one or two with Meg, but that was it. One or two times to see Josh in four months. One-hundred twenty days.

That kind of stung.

He didn't pull away, just brushed some of my hair out of my face. "How'd it go?"

"He liked them. He said that they seemed a bit rushed, which they were of course, but were still ready for editing. But that's not important right now. Are you all ready to go? Everyone should be here soon to pick you up."

Josh nodded. "They should be here in a minute or so, actually. We're going to Toronto, that's where the bus'll be."

There was a honk outside and we both jumped. "Well...four months, I guess." I forced a smile, "See you then."

He leaned down and kissed me softly. I think, maybe, that we both were hesitant to let go. A lot could happen in four months, a lot could change. 

I really didn't want this to change.

The door opened and Ian walked in, his face instantly morphing into a look of surprise. "Oh-hi, sorry. I just wanted to get Josh. I didn't, though I guess I should've guessed, I mean-" He stumbled.

I took a step back, regretting it instantly at the look of hurt on Josh's face. I gave him another quick kiss to show that I hadn't meant it and smiled at Ian. "Don't worry, it's fine. I'll see you guys after your tour, yeah?" My voice cracked.

"Of course you will." Ian assured me, "But the quicker we leave, the quicker we'll be back, in case you don't know." We both glared at him and Ian rolled his eyes. "Fine, whatever. Five minutes. And that's when I want to be driving, by the way." He walked out of the house, closing the door not-so-gently behind him.

"I guess I better be going." Josh said after a moment of silence. There wasn't much to say, no stories to be told or reassurances given. This was goodbye, but goodbye for now, if that makes sense. Not a time for promises. 

All I could do was nod. Josh, maybe not wanting to draw this out any longer than needed, started towards the door. Something jumped in my throat uncomfortably, and it was like all the moisture went from there to my eyes. "Josh," I croaked hesitantly. "I love you."

For a moment he froze, like when a computer is so overloaded with tabs and information that it forgets how to work. Then, a smile spread across his face and he ran over to me, picking me up to kiss me again. "I love you, too. I'll see you soon."

He walked to the door, giving me one last grin over his shoulder before joining the guys outside. I heard them whoop and blushed.

Meg poked her head out from her bedroom, where I hadn't even realized she'd been waiting. Without even waiting for me to say anything, she started to pull flour, sugar, baking soda, and a few other ingredients from the cabinets. It was time to make cookies. 

yes, it took me seven hours between publishing this chapter to actually wrap it up (christmas punzzzz). not that anyone read it in that time, but still. i feeeeelllll the shame. 
i'll get working on another chapter now ^_^.

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