Chapter 18 - Marnie cravings

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Z E KE B L A K E L Y

It took me a while to realise what I was doing.

One month. It's been once month of this.

One month since I even looked at a blonde in a sexual way. Instead, it's been brunettes with brown eyes with the hint of black around the edges. I've been looking for her in other people.

But no one seems to be anything like her. Not even close. The eyes i've stared into, searching for her, have been empty. They carry no emotion like she does. Well, maybe they do; but I can't see it. And their hair, it's never been the perfect shade. Nor have their lips been the same shape. Nor have they made my heart beat faster just by glancing at them, desperate to feel them on me.

I try to imagine the girl straddling my lap right now and kissing my neck is her, so I can feel something from it. So I can enjoy it at least a little. But it doesn't work. She wouldn't touch me like this. She'd blush and kiss me gently, making me go insane. She'd leave me breathless from one touch.

All this time I thought that the reasons I've been feeling this way towards her were because she turned me on. I thought it was only because I wanted to fuck her. I thought it was only sexual feelings. I was wrong.

I find myself wanting her presence when I'm alone. Just being there. Even if we don't talk, I want to feel her presence. I wish I could watch her for hours without her catching me. So I can study every one of her features; watch her smile. Watch her eyes light up when she talks about something she likes. Watch her stare at something and wonder what's going on in her mind.

No one has ever captivated me the way she does.

Marnie. Marnie Jones.

I fucking like her.

Fuck.

I push the girl off of me and stand up, quickly zipping up my pants. Her hazel eyes watch me, confused.

Hazel. Nothing like Marnie's.

"What's wrong?" She stands up and tries to touch me but I pull back.

"I need to go."

Then I rush out the door, climb into my car and drive home.

Fuck.

This can't be happening. I don't get feelings for people. This must be something else... I cant like her.

Entering my house, I walk past the kitchen where my mother is cooking dinner and go straight upstairs and into Maggie's room. She's sat at her desk on her computer. I pace back and forth in her large room as she watches me like i'm crazy.

"You okay?" She asks, cautiously.

"No," is all I say.

She stands up, grabbing my arms that I am frantically running through my hair, and pushes me, making me walk backwards and sit on her bed.

"What's wrong?" She sits back on her desk chair.

"I think i'm going insane."

"I've thought that for a long time, brother."

I pull on my hair, "Maggie, I'm serious."

She sighs, "Tell me about it then. What's happened?"

"I think that I," I pause, "Like someone."

She face-palms, "Seriously? All this because you have a crush?"

"Do not call it that."

"Fine. Let's call it a... Carrot."

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