Mirai

1. Glance

"Bro let's have one game again!" aya ni Lucas sakin pagkalabas palang ng classroom. I need something to do para tanggalin ang pagkapahiya sa akin sa campus. No one ever dare to do that to me infront of all people.

A while ago.

"Hi babe!" Salubong sa girlfriend ko, si Clarisse. Sabay halik sana sakanya pero tumanggi siya. Lagi nalang siyang ganyan magmula nung nahuli niya ako minsan na naglalaro at hindi agad nagrereply sa mga text at tawag niya.

Tagal ko ng itinigil ang pagdodota 'nung naging kami. Kaso sa isang araw lang na naglaro ako kasi bored inaway na niya agad ako. Sinampal pa sa harap ng mga kaibigan ko sabay sabi,

"Huwag mo akong kakausapin".

Sigh. I like her. Kaso isang pagkakamali ko lang at isang beses lang ng pagsuway sa gusto niya nagalit na siya agad. Mga babae nga naman talaga. Sensitive at minsan hindi maintindihan ang mga ugali.

"Babe sorry na" sabi ko at niyakap siya. Kaso tinulak lang ako palayo.

"Tutal hindi mo natupad ang pangako mo. At mukhang hindi mo naman ako mahal. Maghiwalay na tayo. Ayoko na. Masyado kang makasarili."

At tuluyan na siyang umalis at sinalubong ng ibang lalaki. Ang sakit. Naiwan nanaman ako. Lagi nalang akong naiiwan. Wala talagang nagmamahal sakin at nakakatiyaga. Pero wala paring tatalo sa sakit na dinulot niya.

Babalik nalang ako sa dati kong gawain ang magbasa ng manga at maglaro ng online games. Yun na lang ang aatupagin ko ngayon at ang ipursigi ang passion ko na gumawa at magdirek ng pelikula.

Minahal ko lang naman siya dahil sakanya. Siya ang nagtulak sakin na piliin ang kaibigan niya kaysa siya na mahal na mahal ko. Hindi naman nagtagal ay napamahal din ako sakanya para malimutan siya.

Siya, na pinili ang career over myself, our relationship and my love for her. She thinks I am not enough to fulfill her dreams and I realized that I am not pictured in her future.

Siya lang ang minahal ko ng sobra. But in the end, she brought heartache and disaster in my life wherein to the point that I forgot who I am.

Three years had passed but why her presence has become my own ghost. The memories that we shared has become my own memory only.

Until now I was hoping that she will come back to me and beg for forgiveness but I think that is impossible to begin with, because I know that she's happy in her life now in Spain.

"Sige bro. I need to loosen up sometimes" mapait ang mukha ko na sumagot.

He laughed. "Lupet mo bro. Hiwalay na talaga kayo no?" tanong niya.

"Oo. Grabe sinampal ako at sinabing hindi ko siya minahal. She's always like that, making me embarrassed infront of many people. I hate her" bulalas ko na parang umuusok ang ilong sa galit.

"Easy lang bro nasa likod mo sila" sabat niya na medyo hininaan pa ang boses.

Lumingon ako at kitang kita ng dalawang mata ko na naghahalikan sila sa harap ng madaming tao. Like I care. She's not worth fighting for. Nagkibit balikat lang ako bago talikuran ang eksena.

"Tawagin mo na ang tropa ng makapaglaro na tayo. I am so bored and I just want to erase all of my thoughts about her or her. Since, it is where I belong".

Diretso na kami sa gaming shop kasama si Lucas ng ilang minuto lang ay nagsidatingan na ang iba.

Kahit na mayayaman kami ay pumupunta parin kami sa mga computer shops para maglaro or makipag-tournament ng online games. We don't do this at home because we know our priorities, requirements.

Bwisit na babaeng 'yan, sabi ko sa sarili ko. No one ever dumped a hot guy like me.

No one has made me embarrassed like this before. Pero iniwan ka niya diba? Sagot ng aking konsensya. Aba't lumaban pa.

In my 21 years of living here on earth no one challenge me nor embarrass because I'm the leader of the famous boy band in my university. Even if we are so busy on our requirements and stuff we manage our time properly to do our things in school, band and leisure but not girls.

Being the bad boy or cold guy in school, I also dreamed to become a famous director someday and create a multi-awarded movie that become the talk of the city. I'm bubbling enough so I'll stop right here.

After two hours of gaming ay napagod din kami at napagpasyahan na magmeryenda bago umuwi. Maybe I should quit this to focus because I'm a graduating student and I want to prove something on my father.

We went to the coffee shop near the university, it is where we go often. I didn't mention earlier but I love coffee. I love its aroma when it poured down to the coffee maker. I love its different formation when it mix with milk and such. It gives me peace of mind and makes my body relax. It's like my therapy. So gay right? But don't judge me I'm just human.

It's been a long time since my last visit here. Masyadong naging busy sa mga requirements at kay Clarisse. Well, now that she's not with me I don't mind coming here always. Napamahal lang naman ako sakanya kasi sweet siya and that's all. The last thing I know, Clarisse didn't like here. She's into classy restaurant and bars.

"Bro, ikaw nalang muna pumunta diyan kasi nagtext si Mama may family dinner daw kami kasi dumating si kuya Achilles. Sorry bro" nalungkot siya ng konti at tinapik ang balikat. I know gusto niya akong damaya pero ang bading naman ng dating.

"It's okay. I'll just kill my time here and go home after" I answered.

"Okay" 'tsaka na siya umalis at sinagot ang tawag niya.

Pumasok na ako at napansin na iba ang isang crew dito. Oh well I don't mind, napansin ko lang kasi may naalala ako sa babaeng iyon. I quickly glance at her as she wiped the table at the corner and straight ahead the counter.

"Ah. One latte please" order ko sa counter na natulala ata sa kagwapuhan ko.

After kong nagbayad ay pumunta muna ako sa table na nakaharap sa labas to see who's going to enter and pass through this café.

Minutes passed when she handed me my coffee and showed me her smile. My eyes pass through her name tag at the upper left side of her uniform and saw San.

And that's her name I think. I answered her, "Thanks" I smiled back. She went back to her post after that encounter.

Hindi ko nalang siya masyadong pinansin at nilamon ng pagiisip habang nagkakape. I am thinking for my next last requirement this finals kahit na months pa because this is also the qualification project on who will be the exchange student in America. It's a big previlage for every student na makapunta sa isang university sa America para pag-aralan ang film making with advance and enhance technology and resources.

Sa aking pagakatulala, around 5:30pm napansin ko ang napakaraming pumapasok dito sa café na ito dahil maganda rin ang ambiance niya sa loob na kulay brown at dark yellow to blend-in the color of lights which is yellow. The chairs are wooden and the tables also. Some lights were hanged by the ceiling at the top of the long table with high chair. There are also some books at the right-side corner of the café where you can read while sipping your coffee. May free wifi din para sa mga iba na nagpapalipas ng oras gaya ko.

Halos isang oras ako roon na paminsan-minsan ay napapatingin sa cellphone kung magtetext ba si Clarisse or hindi. Tsk. Erase. I don't want to think any of her. Tanga ko naman para umasa sa taong kagaya niyang manloloko at mangagamit. Like her.

Nagpasya nalang akong tumayo at umuwi na. Lumabas nalang ako ng café at nagpara ng taxi dahil hindi ko nadala ang Audi ko because it's coding. I simply glance at her before leaving.

She's beautiful. I murmured to myself and smiled like an idiot inside the taxi.