TUMBlr (Yugbam/2jae/Markson lovestory)

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves

Cold sweat, shaking hands, the troubled man took the right corner then the left one, wondering where the hell was he heading to and where he was now. Every crossed street looked the same as the other one. Same lights, same trees, same gates under the same stars and same sky.

Mark felt like suffocating, he took a deep breath and looked around but he just couldn't recognize where he was. Maybe it was the frozen wind that made his lungs ache or maybe it was one of those many negative effects opium had on his weak body. He shouldn't have taken so many, he was going for one,but he found another one inside his hidden pocket.

Despide all the hallucination and burning sensations, Mark felt like he was floating somewhere inside the Eden garden. The cold, which grew as the time passed, was completely faded by that drug. Mark tripped and fell, bruising his wrists more,yet there was no pain to be felt. He just felt Jackson's gentle touch on his skin, he could smell his parfume and see the way the corners of his mouth raised, putting on a contagious bright smile.

"I think, I think we should break up."

A bitter taste embraced Mark's mouth. He thought he haven't heard it correctly at first but when Jackson let go of his hand, Mark frowned. Mark has been through this situation before when they firstly broke up and when he broke up with Jinyoung too.

The only problem was that Mark's biggest fear: losing loved people around him. This insecurity has developed among a huge period of time, since he was little, mostly because he was not much of a talkative person and getting friends seemed impossible for his younger self. However, the wild youth has changed him and he strarted trusting people more and even ended up caring about them. But caring too much is equal to putting your happiness in danger,which lends to drying out everything you've got good in you.

"I'm in this relationship too, I have a part in deciding the best for us too."

"So you're saying we are in a healthy relationship and whatever we're doing is totally fine and should go on?"

Jackson's words were sharper than blades and more dreadful than lies.

"I've never been enough for you. " Jackson's eyes were fixed on the ground, hiding from light, not daring to see his expression. "Aghases keep talking about how a great father I'd make because I care so much about my mother but I'm far from that." Jackson gulped and for the first time he was glad that Mark kept silence.

"I tried my best but-" The blonde one clinged his fist, slowly punching the edge of the desk. "I-I keep messing up. Whatever I do, I do it wrong. Whatever say, I make you mad and you ingoring me is a living hell." As a nervous reflex, Jackson tapped the wooden desk with his fingers. "I'll never be Jinyoung."

"I never wanted you to be Jinyoung!" Mark jumped in. He couldn't stand it when Jackson brought up Jinyoung in their 'fights'. "All I wanted was you to call me 'Markiepooh' every morning when I wake up next to you!"

"Markiepooh..."

"No, this is not the right time. You want us to break up because you think this will make everything better and guess what, you're wrong. You're making everything worse and I can't deal with a break up now. Not in the stage I'm in."

Jackson suddenly became worried, he got closer, his eyebrows arching and his face making that puppy look. "You never told me something is wrong." Jackson grabbed Mark by the hand, the friction between two skins rubbing provoking chills.

"How could you notice something is wrong when we were busy fighting over stupid things?" The oldest was tired of everything. His feet felt heavier than iron and his self esteem was slightly dropping in the moment Jackson started talking.