TUMBlr (Yugbam/2jae/Markson lovestory)

I. Fake flowers

The sound of crickets built a complex harmony across the park nearby. Shyly, countless sunshine rays sewed the edges of the horizon together, looking as a deity was embracing every sleepless human soul.

Two bottles of water, one lathered jacket for rough nights, some money and credit cards along three sandwiches and one apple were thrown inside Bambam's black backpack. Like old poisonous roots, the dizziness started panic inside his nervous system. His acute headaches were digging deeper with every movement his shaky hands made. His room was a total mess, all his clothes soaked in dust, the shirt he received from Yugyeom being ripped with Bambam's bare hands. He took just a piece of it and tied the material around his upper arm, throwing the ripped shirt away, as far as he could.

For a minute he thought he went crazy, the sight of his blurry room going in circles around his tiny body was obnoxious and terrifying. Bambam was sure he lost it, he felt like a wild animal kept in captivity for entertainment. The walls could see, they watched him struggle so many times before and they were laughing at him. Everyone knew about Yugyeom that whole time, Bambam thought, convinced. Everybody was playing with him like a useless toy, his feelings being dryed out just because.

His heartbeat started getting worse so with his left hand pressed against his chest and the other one hanging onto the desk's edge, he loudly fell, hitting his head to the sharp woodened corner. Then, he collapsed down, trying to remember himself how to breathe while drowning in bitterness of tears and dreadful pain. Blood was staining his black clothes and pale shaking hands. Voiceless, he sweared, harshly slapping his wet cheeks. He had to get out of that hell hole, those imaginary flames were killing him and all he did was cry for help. However, no one knew. No one knew how sad Bambam was. They never knew.

The boy somehow succeeded in getting up, he pushed his limits surprisingly well and he washed his face with freezing water. Then, he took his backpack and slammed the door as hard as his strength managed to handle. The hallway seemed narrower than he remembered, and a lot darker. As he took a step closer to the stairs, he realized his phone was still inside his pocket.

The image was oddly charming: stunningly, the dawn with it's warm colored canvases contoured Bambam's panicked silhouette. He was so destroyed and paranoid, he had no time for stopping a single moment to enjoy the view. Like a shadow inside burning flames, his distinguishable body was stealing colors, absorbing and vanishing them with tragic memories that haunted him.

Bambam decided to sit down. His sweaty back was sticked to the cold dull wall, while he started reading his conversation with 'boyfriendmaterial69' for one last time. The difficulty was that his red blurry eyes kept getting worse by the time he continued reading all texts. How cruel could life become and how much did he have to suffer until he we'd truly be happy?

As texts got cheesier and meaningful, his body couldn't bare the psychological torture anymore. Trembling, he dropped his iphone on the floor, hearing the sound of cracking but not bothering to check. Moreover, there was some other thought that bugged him, he had no idea where to go. However, one thing was sure, he couldn't stand another day inside with his little monsters destroying what was left.

All that time spent on trying to forget his first love ironically meant nothing. There was no escape for Bambam yet he still hoped for one. Bambam knew and always did know, that his abused and tired heart was beating for Yugyeom and Yugyeom only. And it terrified him.

He dropped on his knees as he started sobbing, covering with both hands his widely opened mouth. He let out some heartbreaking noises and sobs, being overwhelmed by sorrow. The only way to find himself again was to go back to the place he lost himself. However, the enigma was Bambam losing pieces of him daily,because he had always put a little bit of heart in whatever he was doing. The road was abandoned and scary and Bambam too vulnerable to dare walking on it.