The Football Girl

Chapter 30: It's Going to be Difficult

Recap: "I'm just trying to help I don't want to end up like the other girls."

"Like what?"

"Dead."

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"What do you mean dead?" I ask.

"The girls who kill themselves because they don't want to talk about it. I don't want you to do that." says Ashton.

I look at the ground, I just wasn't ready to tell anyone what was going on in my head. It was hard to explain I just couldn't say it right. No one understood that, they all expect me to be able to bounce back. They don't need to pretend that I'm a fragile china doll.

"I know, and I won't. I just don't know how to explain any of it. Just let me come to you don't force it out of me. That's all I'm asking." He walks over and hugs me. I didn't want to cry, I was done crying over it. It was hard doing this, but I know I wasn't alone. Ashton let me go and looked down at me. All of sudden I could see his face.

"No. No. No. Not again." I started to shake and I couldn't breathe.

"Babe?" I closed my eyes and tried to breathe. Ashton's voice became distant. I could see his face and hear him talking to me. I couldn't get it out of my head.

"Alex!" I just kept shaking not feeling anything.

"I-It hurts make it stop. Please." I could feel the tears falling down my cheeks. Next thing I know is everyone is around me.

"Sissy?" I look at my little brother who is in tears.

"What happened to you? You scared me." What do I tell him? Would he understand?

"Well bud, something bad happened to me and I still get bad memories." He walked over to me and hugged me.

"I won't let him hurt you ever again. I promise." After that little incident we just watched a movie.

"Princess can you come here?" I slowly get off the couch and walk towards dad.

"Yeah dad?"

"You should stay home for the next few days. I don't want you to have another anxiety attack. Just wait, you can still go to the game but I don't want you to be playing for awhile? Okay." I could feel the tears.

"But Dad, football is my world. You can't take it away. Please don't."

"Sweetie I know, you just need to heal mentally and physically. Don't rush it. I'm having Kate come over to stay with you tomorrow." He came over and kissed my cheek.

"Go get some rest babygirl. I love you."

"I love you too." I went to my bedroom and went to bed.

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I wake up the next morning, my eyes burning and puffy. I had been crying in my sleep. I walk downstairs and see Kate writing in a notebook.

"Hey." She looks up and smiles.

"Hey girl, heard it's been a rough few days?" I slowly look down at the ground. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes.

"I just feel lost." I whisper. She walks over to me and hugs me.

"I know, trust me I know. You just can't block them out. It will be rough, but you'll get through this." I walk over to the couch and turn on the TV. I was flipping channels when I heard a knock at the door.

"I'll get it." says Kate. I could hear Kate talking to someone but I couldn't tell who.

I just ignore them and keep watching TV.

"Alex?" I look up to see my dad.

"Hey dad? Aren't you suppose to be at school?" My dad was a strong man inside and out but something was on his mind.

"Well princess, we need to have an us day. If that's okay?" I nod.

"Well go get ready." He smiles at me. I run up the stairs and get ready. We haven't had a Daddy, daughter day in a long time. Since Mom died I think. I just put on some jeans and a sweatshirt. It was starting to get cold. I walk downstairs to see my dad waiting.

"Okay I'm ready." We head out to his truck. I was excited but I felt nervous because I think I know what this is going to be about.

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise." I smile and look out the window. We shortly arrive at the diner I always go too, when I feel down. When we walk in Dad leads me to secluded area. We sit down and order our food.

"Dad's what's this about?" He looks down and takes a deep breath.

"Babygirl, I know that you don't want to talk about it but I need to know what's going on in that beautiful head of yours." I look at my dad across from me, I could tell he was worn down, broken, and hurting. I grab his hand and hold it.

"For you, I will talk about it." I take a shaky breath in, and look him in the eyes.

"Well where do I start?"

"When it happened then go from there."

"I didn't think anything from it. But when the guy was trying to convince me to go to a bedroom I started to get nervous. No one ever thinks this will happen to them. Next thing I know is that my jeans are being ripped off. My jersey is above my head. No matter how much I moved or screamed he didn't stop. I was hurting, physically and emotionally. This guy could think that he could hurt me. The worse thing is that he was okay with it all. When he was so called finish with me. I felt horrible. I wanted to die. My innocence was taken from me like that." I snap my fingers. "This man didn't think twice. When Ashton found me I felt like a failure. My own boyfriend found me curled up in a ball, crying, weak, and pathetic. When they took me to the hospital, I couldn't think of anything. I just felt numb. Nothing could make me feel again. I did everything I was told to do. I didn't look at him, I told him no, I wasn't even wearing anything to provoke him. That man just didn't care. After that I didn't want to become the little victim I was going to become stronger than I was before. I'm some fragile china doll. I can get through this." By the time I was done I could feel the tears on my cheeks. I looked at my dad, he was also crying.

"Babygirl, I never once thought of you as a victim. When I got the call that you were in the hospital my heart dropped. All I could think was that I was going to lose you. I couldn't lose you like I lost your mother. You are so much like her. When I found out why I wanted to kill the bastard that did this to you. The worse thing was watching my little girl break slowly. You have been so tough for so long and it's okay to break down. I'm not telling you that you always have to be tough. It's okay to not be okay. You can be broken. Sweetheart I love you no matter what. Just please I beg you don't push us out."

As we were sitting there holding each other and crying. I would never of thought that my Dad was just as broken as me. He felt the pain I did.

"C'mon let's go home. They're waiting at home." We drive home and bring in the pizza. I see all the vehicles in our driveway and it warms my heart. I know that I'll never ever be alone in this world.
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Hey Beautiful People!!

Sorry I haven't been updating with work and getting ready for college it's been kind of hectic around here! I promise to try and keep updating!

LOVE YOU!
-Anabel