Chapter 1 - Almost

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Author's Note:  Hello Readers.  This story has certain content that may be disturbing to some and triggering to others.   Feel free to skip these details.  You will not miss the gist of the story by doing so.

Also,  It was pointed out to me that, as a reader enters into this chapter, they may ask, "What the hell!  I thought this was a gxg story and not a bxg story?"  Please be assured that this story is indeed a gxg story.  Thanks to chichimerah for noting this.

He gazed into her eyes and asked once again, "Are you sure?"

Looking back at him, she answered his question with a reserved nod.

Kevin cupped Samantha's face and gently brought her closer. Their lips pressed against each other like they had done before. This time was different. This time they knew it would go further. Kevin gently deepened their kiss. Their mouths parted and Kevin snaked his tongue into Samantha's mouth. She still didn't quite know what to do, so she simply mirrored his movements massaging his tongue with her own.

Kevin moved his hand from the small of Samantha's back under her shirt and ran his warm hand up her back.  Samantha's breathing hitched as he unclasped her bra. He pressed his hand flat between her shoulder blades and pulled her closer in their embrace. He took his time. He could see and feel that she was nervous.

Samantha slowly wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned her head back slightly as Kevin kissed his way from her collar bone to her ear lob. The heat from his breath made contact with her skin whenever his lips released and moved gradually toward their goal.

She trusted him. Of all the guys she had dated, Kevin was the most gentle and patient. He too was on the track team and had been recruited the same year. Their relationship began as a friendship. They spent time together at practice and then as part of the group that had become good friends throughout their Freshman year.

Samantha dated on and off throughout her college career.  Some guys rushed the physical, which would only cause Sam to slam on the breaks and make it very clear that, if that was all they were after, they were chasing something never to occur or come about.

Samantha pulled back to look at Kevin. He smiled at her giving the reassurance she needed. She smiled back and kissed him deeper as to give permission to continue.

Kevin then reached under the bottom of Samantha's shirt and with one motion removed both her t-shirt and bra. He then removed his shirt. Samatha trembled as she closed her eyes. She pressed her hands against his chest feeling his toned body. She ran her quivering hands down to the top of his jeans.

Kevin pulled back to allow Samantha access to his belt buckle. In doing so he looked at Samantha. Her dark brown hair spilled over her shoulders and the tips of her hair gently grazed her breasts. Her soft brown eyes looked up from his waist. She smiled at him and his heart melted.

"You are so beautiful." Kevin whispered.

"You're not so bad yourself." Samantha replied as her eyes sparkled with her smile.

She unbuckled his belt and proceeded to unbutton his jeans and unzip his pants as Kevin slid Samantha's shorts over her toned bottom. They fell to the floor just before the buckle hit the floor with a thud.

Kevin tenderly guided Samantha to her bed. He laid her head down on the pillow and kissed her again with more passion. He propped himself up with his left elbow as he placed his right hand at her nape and softly pulled her to him. Samantha met Kevin's kiss with equal desire. Kevin then trailed his hand down to caress Samantha's breast.

Samantha's breathing began to speed up. Her heart beat faster against her chest. A lump formed in her throat.

'Stay calm... just breathe...You can do this.' Samantha thought to herself.

Hearing Samantha breathing heavier, Kevin began to kiss more urgently. The palm of his hand moved down to Samantha's hip leaving a trail of warmth on her skin. Then his fingers traced the top of Samantha's boy-short underwear.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath in...forgetting to breathe out.

Fingertips breached the elastic waistband and began to lower themselves toward her core. Kevin leaned down to kiss her again as his hand continued to...

"STOP!" she whimpered.

Samantha shot out of bed and raced to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. She turned and locked the door and slid down to the cold floor. She leaned her back up against the door and grabbed her knees to her chest, tears streaming down her face. She closed her eyes and leaned her head against her knees.  

After a few minutes passed, Kevin gently knocked on the door, "Sam...you OK? I'm sorry. I thought...

"Can you just...please leave." she begged.

Kevin let out a sigh and walked to the door.

"I'm locking the door." he called out as he turned the lock in the doorknob to the locked position.

"Sam, I..."

"Please Kevin! ... Just go."

"OK, I'm going. Call me later OK?"

She heard the door shut behind Kevin's exit. She exhaled and brought her trembling hands to her face. She closed her eyes tight and tried to push back the demons.

Trying to block out the eleven year old trapped inside her she stood and started the shower. Taking off her underwear she saw her reflection in the mirror. Her fingers traced the scars on her left hip. Her shape disappeared into a fog as the mirror became covered with steam.

She stepped under the scalding water raining down. She began to wash herself. She washed and cleansed her body...once...twice and then again..harder and more vigorous each time. When she couldn't stand the burning anymore she shut off the water and dropped to the shower floor wrapping her knees to her chest once more. She rested her head on her knees and watched the steam escape her pink skin.

She gently closed her eyes and exhaled.

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