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There was a noticeable change in her, and RJ is glad. It breaks him to see her pained whenever he asks about her past, and he knows when he should stop probing any further. They were taught not to force their 'case study' to express more than is necessary, especially when it's a sensitive case like hers.
It's obvious that her journal is her 'security blanket'. He could tell that she gets lost in her own bubble whenever she writes. Oftentimes he would just look at her writing, mesmerized at how she doesn't seem to run out of words to write. He would stare at her as she writes, until she hands him a note telling him to leave her alone. He would laugh it off, for he knows that he has somehow broken into the wall she has up around her. He would then begin asking her stuff very gently, keeping to their agreement that she can give him five words at most.
He savors those moments when she speaks, however limited it is. Her voice is like the sound of afternoon drizzle - steady and cool. For some reason, he finds her voice calming, something that you would want to snuggle to. But of course, he brushes off any sense of attachment. His intention is to learn about her past, to slowly ease out her story, and find means on how to help her get back into society.
But when she started telling him about the Brood, in the very few words that she allows herself to say, RJ can't help but get angry. Whenever she begins to speak, he notices how she struggles. And then she goes back to writing.
RJ learned about the Head. Whenever his questions lead to her life in the Brood, the hand holding her pen get stiff, with her other hand gripping strongly on the table. It takes all of RJ's self-control not to take her into his arms and just hold her.
//
One afternoon, he was surprised when, the very second he sat down across her, she handed him this page from her journal.
He scarred me. He has to die, so that I may live.
RJ felt the coldness of what was written in the paper. When he looked at her, she was writing again in her journal, with tears streaming down her cheeks. He felt a chill down his back, trying to grasp what she wrote. He tried to recall her records if it mentioned anything that she killed anyone.
"Maine, do you want to ... talk more about it?"
She looked at him, her eyes glistening from tears yet tough. For a few seconds RJ waited if she would finally say more than just their five-word agreement, but she then looked back down at her journal.
RJ sighed deeply and looked back again at the page that she handed him.
HE LOCKED ME IN THE ROOM FOR FIVE DAYS. HE SAID I WAS ATTRACTING TOO MUCH ATTENTION.
RJ almost fell off his chair hearing her speak. It was the first time that she offered some new information about her life before the Home. He had to choose his response carefully, lest she shuts him out again.
"Attention from what?"
Maine stopped from writing, as if trying to find the words to say, calculating her next move. RJ held his breath as she looked up at and stared at him.
I WAS HIS BEST GIRL, HE SAYS. I BRING IN THE MOST MONEY. BUT I AM ALSO THE TOUGHEST.
He saw how her eyes darted to each side of the common room, like searching for someone, making sense of what's around her. RJ looked around, there were very few people left in the common room. The other patients were either in therapy or doing other activities. The only ones left in the common room were the two of them, and another two people watching TV in the far end of the room.
"Maine...what was it that you do that brings in money for the Brood?"
She stood up suddenly, startling RJ. She didn't leave though, yet her breathing has changed,
"Maine? I'm sorry, do you need anything? I'll get you some water"
RJ went across the room to get water from the water dispenser. He kept looking back at where Maine was, worried that she might just leave. Thankfully she was still glued to where she was standing, but then she just stood there, heavily breathing.
He handed her the glass of water upon returning, which she carefully accepted much to his relief. She drank the whole glass of water, spilling some on her shirt. She put the empty glass down on the table, and she seemed to breathe more steadily. She sat down and went back to writing in her journal. RJ sighed, sending a silent prayer for the girl across him. He gathered his bag and started to walk away, when he heard her voice once more.
WILL YOU BE BACK TOMORROW?
He stopped in his tracks and slowly looked back at her. She was still hunched over her journal, but he noticed that she wasn't writing, though her pen is poised that way. He smiled.
"Of course. Same time. Until then, Maine."
//
In the next days since that huge breakthrough with Maine, RJ became more determined to understand her case. She is still not giving him additional details about what they do in the Brood, how she managed to survive there even in the hands of the Head. But she was beginning to talk a bit more, though she retreats back to writing when it became too difficult for her to recount some event triggered by RJ's questions. He has learned to slow down on his questions, but he was also quick to pick up on her subtle hints, making him probe a little more creatively, without appearing abrasive to her.
On the second month since he started going to the Home, he handed her a package. She just stared at it then looked at RJ with a questioning stare.
"Your journal has only a few pages left. I bought you a new one."
Her eyes lit up, which warmed RJ's insides. She tore off the package excitedly, a side of her that RJ was more than glad to have witnessed. When she saw the leather-bound notebook, with the letter M engraved in the lower right corner, she smiled. She looked at RJ with eyes that more than expressed her gratitude. RJ fought the urge to reach out and touch her cheeks, which were now stained with tears. Maine opened her new journal, and saw a small note written on the first page.
Be an opener of doors. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
She ran her fingers over the words written, and again looked at RJ.
