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"I don't think I can do it anymore, RJ. I feel like I'm drowning in there! I just came out of a very scary past, I'm not strong enough to handle these women's issues!"
Maine was rambling about her day at the Women's Shelter, a month after she joined as a volunteer. She's been out of the Home for more than three months now, and RJ has been helping her cope with her new life.
"Maine, you said so yourself, you've been through the worst and you survived. You're in the best position to help these women. I know you can."
Since he passed on Maine's case to his colleague, RJ's visits to her back when she was at the Home had been more personal. Indeed, he has fallen for her, but he was not pushing for her to reciprocate. He still wanted to take it slow with her, for he knows that she is still healing. Though he wants to assume that Maine feels the same way, he still keeps his distance, enough to make her feel more comfortable with him, but not too much that she might think he's pressuring her.
RJ held both of her hands in his, squeezed them and looked into her eyes.
"But if you feel like it's too much already, we can always talk to the Superior and ask that you be transferred somewhere else. I'm sure they would understand."
Maine looked intently at RJ's eyes. She always finds it calming to look into his eyes, she could stare at them for hours and everything else seems to fade in the background. She brought her hands to his face, stroking his dimple. RJ leaned into her hands. He knows she likes it when he does that, remembering how she told him that it makes her comfortable when she feels the warmth of his cheeks in her hands.
"Thank you RJ, but ..." She sighed deeply, calculating what she is about to say.
"... I think maybe I should stay on. I feel overwhelmed, yes, but ... I suppose what you say is true. I have gone through some of the worst situations in life, and maybe... maybe I can still help them. In whatever way I can."
RJ smiled at her, deepening his dimple, making her smile back at him.
"That's my girl."
Maine widened her eyes at what he said, which made RJ regret what he just said. He held his breath at what she would do next, fearing that she might shut him out again, that she would not speak to him again. He braced himself at what she might say.
"So... I'm your girl?"
"I mean... Maine, please don't think of it wrongly, I didn't mean it that way... what I'm trying to say is that..."
"Shut up RJ. You talk too much."
She closed the distance between them, as she held his face in her hands, she brought her lips to his. RJ was stunned in the first few seconds that she kissed him that she drew back and looked back at him. Her eyes searched his face, fear beginning to take over them, and she started to withdraw, thoughts of shame and regret starting to flood her thoughts over what she just did. But RJ, recovering from what just happened, smiled knowingly at her and gently put his hand on her nape, drew her close again, and claimed back her lips.
It was a sweet moment and though both were feeling the heat, RJ had the sense to stop whatever it is that seems to be escalating between them, and bring them back to reality. He hugged her close, feeling her heart beating fast. Maine had her eyes closed, breathing deeply, with her arms snaking their way around RJ's waist.
They stayed that way for a minute, before RJ spoke, breaking the comfortable silence between them.
"Maine, whatever you decide to do, I will always be here for you. Never forget that. If you feel like leaving the Women's Shelter and moving elsewhere, I will help you, and support you. Just know that I will never leave you."
"I know that RJ. Thank you."
//
In the next month, Maine stayed on at the Women's Shelter as a volunteer counselor. She would listen to the different women and their stories, some worse than the other. She thought she was young already at the age of 22 to have experienced what she had been through with the Brood. But the women in the Shelter had different stories, and what burdens her the most were the abuse that they had been through. She could not fathom how these women - mothers, most of them - could even allow their own children be exposed to the same abuse, sometimes by the same men.
Whenever she's at the Women's Shelter and volunteering, she tried her best to appear unaffected, lest she allows her past to take over her again and she would just lose it. She might as well live with the women there. Nevertheless, the women find comfort in talking to her, because she listens well. But she still felt like she was drowning after a day of being with these women and listening to their stories.
RJ would be waiting for her at the dormitory where she stays, not too far from where he lives. If it were up to him, he would just take her in so that they will be living together, but again, it might be too much and too soon for her. So he had to settle to having her stay somewhere else, for as long as he can keep an eye on her, while still giving her space to live on her own.
She sees him waiting by the reception area of the dormitory, and she immediately feels relief. RJ brightens up soon as he sees her approach him, but he can tell that she is burdened once again. When she reached him, she immediately embraces him and cries on to his chest. RJ stroked her back, worried that something had happened to her at the Shelter.
"Maine, tell me, what's wrong? What happened?"
He tightens his arms around her, wanting to blend his own body with hers, willing to feel the pain that she is feeling so that it escapes her. He rocks her as she continues to cry, unloading what seemed to be a day's worth of pain after being at the Women's Shelter.
They stay locked in each other's arms for the next few minutes, not minding what the other dorm residents may say about them. Feeling a little better, Maine let herself loose from RJ's embrace and wiped her eyes. RJ still had his arms around her shoulders, and kissed the top of her head.
"You know, I write about these women in my journal. It helps me to write about them. These women at the Shelter are like trees, but they have no roots. The things that they've been through have uprooted them, and they are just floating, with nothing to hold on to, and I feel so powerless."
Maine looked at RJ, who was studying her as she spoke. He brushed away a strand of her hair and caressed her cheek.
"I was floating, too, before, back when I was at the Home. I felt like there was no point in fighting the current, because where would that take me? I had my journal with me, and I escape through writing, but I still had no direction. Then you came..."
She held his hand and brought it to her chest, where her heart is.
"...And you became my anchor. You've let me float, but you made sure that I can hold on to you. I am no longer floating, RJ, but I may drift every now and then. But I know, in my heart, that you won't let me go."
