Attention → N. Archibald [Gossip Girl] (undergoing editing)

Chapter 19

Leah's Subconscious

"Lee. Lee. Lee. Lee. Lee. Please don't leave me. Lee, I love you. I love you like the sky loves the clouds, butterflies love the flowers and how Chuck loves sex. Fuck, I sound like such a sap. They say that in coma you can her everything. I'm not leaving till you wake up." I felt Nate's hand hold mine, his warmth filling my cold body.

Then my heart broke, when I heard him sob. I want to get up for him. For us. Screw the world. All I need is a bit more time.

Four days later

Nate never leaves my hand. He stays there for eternity.

I cant leave now. Not after everything we've been through. If I had to die, the sleeping pills would've done their job. I feel like the universe has been trying to tell me something all along.

Just after I turned fourteen, Nate had taken a certain interest in me. He would tell me about the weirdest of things. He would tell me stories and I would just laugh like I didn't have a care in the world. We would call each other names, in a friendly way and sit together in class. It seemed like harmless flirting and friendship at the time, but now I think it was more.

In eighth grade, Nate awkwardly came to me during a party and told me he needed to come clean. I asked him what he was upto, but he just shook his head and walked away.

The day after Blair's masquerade ball two years ago, Nate told me he was sorry about the night before and it was a drunken mistake. I wondered what he was even talking about. I hadn't seen him that entire day. My best friend at that time, Madeline, had the biggest crush on Nate. She was all giggly, jumpy and weird the next morning.
Maybe Nate kissed her, or something, because we looked kind of alike. And it was a masquerade ball.

He invited me to one of his lax games. I realized I was the person he could share anything with. And I want to be the person who he can tell anything to. I really, really do.

But I will admit, I haven't had the best childhood.

When I was eleven, the doctor weighed me and later on, my mother told me I was too fat and I needed to lose weight. For the next two years, food barely passed through my lips. I didn't even drink a sip of water. I was so afraid. I wanted to be light, like a feather; I wanted to move with every breeze that came by. I dropped thirty ponds immediately and I was happy. But the sad part is that I had lost a piece of me, crying in the shower and loathing myself.

Even after I grew up, I was never satisfied. After I got involved with Nate, I felt truly happy. I don't ever want that feeling to go away. I have to wake up. I should be ready in a few days time.

Nate

Its been twelve days. Leah still hasn't woken up. If she doesn't wake up, I might lose her forever. It doesn't even depend on her condition anymore. It's all about her will.
The doctors are back. Yanking at her eyelids and shining the torch in her eyes. They scribble something on their charts and leave without an answer.
"Lee please." I sobbed.
"Wake up. For me. For us. You proved yourself to everyone. Say you won't let go."

Leah's Subconscious P. O. V.

Nate, I want to to wake up. If only it were that easy. But I promise, I'll be ready tomorrow.