Sweet Like Honey

19.

"You never told Jonas," Sawyer says, coming up to her when she arrived at school on Monday. Sawyer had been trying to reach Lennen all weekend, but she had only received one message from her saying that she had been busy all weekend and didn't have much time to be on her phone. 

"I know. It just slipped my mind," Lennen tells Sawyer, and that wasn't a lie. Lennen had been spending a lot of time focusing on her school work, deciding on a college, and she had start writing her valedictorian speech. She was under a lot of stress, and telling Jonas that she was going out of town for the weekend wasn't that important to her. 

"He called me on Friday night. He asked me if you were with me because you weren't home. He was worried about you Lennen and you never told him. What is going on with you?" For the past few days, Lennen hadn't been acting like herself and it was getting to a point where more and more people were starting to notice. No one knew what was going on because Lennen liked to keep to herself. 

"I'm sorry, Sawyer, but with everything that is on my plate now, telling Jonas that I was leaving town for the weekend wasn't that important to me." Thinking back to Lennen's relationship with Duke, Sawyer realized that Lennen never acted like this when she was with him. Granted, they were younger and weren't under the same pressure, but this was starting to seem like a new Lennen.

"You're in a relationship, Lennen! You can't just go to another state and not tell your boyfriend, leaving your best friend to do it for you. I don't know what's going on with you, Lennen, but this isn't you." Lennen knew Sawyer was right, she wasn't acting like herself, but in this moment, Lennen was completely lost. She had three months to decided what she wanted to do with her future, and the only word she could use to describe how she felt right now was stuck. She felt like she was in a rut, and she couldn't dig herself out. 

"My relationship isn't your business, Sawyer. Stay out of it," Lennen tells her best friend and walks off to her locker, not wanting to get into a huge argument. Waiting at her locker, was another argument about to start. "Hi."

"You could've called," Jonas says. "You could've texted. I don't understand why you just left without telling me. What is going on with you?" 

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" Lennen asks, meaning it to be rhetorical. Lennen was completely drained, and hearing everyone repeat the same question to her was getting tiring.

"Because you aren't acting like yourself!" Jonas didn't mean to raise his voice, but he was upset. His girlfriend was becoming more and more distant and he wasn't sure how to fix it. 

"Yes, I should've called or texted, I know. I'm sorry I didn't, but I have been preoccupied with so many other things that telling you just slipped my mind." She was tired of repeating herself, but she wasn't sure how she could explain how she was feeling.  

"You know you can talk to me, right? About anything? I'll always be here for you and I will glady listen to your problems because, Lennen, I care. I just want to see you happy, and I want to help you, but I can't help you unless you tell me what's going on."

"I'm stuck. I'm so busy focusing on all my school work and I have start writing my valedictorian speech. Not only that, but I'm still undecided on college, which I have to be by graduation. I have three months to choose my future and I'm stuck."

"Lennen, you need to relax. You're constantly keeping yourself busy, and it's stressing you out. You need a day where you can just think about something other than your responsibilites. I know that it's going to be hard for you, but believe me, it'll be worth it. How about we go to the beach this weekend and we can just relax, spend the day thinking about something other than whatever the millions of things you're thinking about right now."

"That sounds perfect," Lennen smiles, then taking a deep breath. She opens her locker putting her things in. She kisses Jonas' cheek, and for the first time since they've gotten together, Lennen walks to her first class alone. She wanted some time to herself and she'd see Jonas at lunch. 

She walked to her AP Government, ready to get this day over with. She was incredibly stressed with everything that was going on in her life, and was ready for a day of relaxation that would involve anything but something related to school. However, when she walked into class, Lennen couldn't help but overhear the gossip, the main topic was her boyfriend, and how he was dancing with just about every girl at the dance on Friday. Appalled was an understatement, and also confused as to why her boyfriend would be dancing with other girls. She found herself being embarrassed as people looked and whispered as she walked by them. Why would Jonas do this?

***

"Jonas! Are you kidding me?" was the first thing Lennen said when she approached Jonas at lunch. Everyone turned and looked at Jonas, knowing he was in trouble. Jonas got up and walked outside the cafeteria with Lennen, not wanting to cause a scene inside. 

"What are you talking about?" Jonas asks her, wondering what he possibly could have done.

"You! All day, the only thing I've heard about is how you were decided to dance with a bunch of the girls at the dance on Friday." Lennen knew what kind of dancing happened at the school dances, which were a little inappropriate for it being a private, Catholic school. 

"You left me alone! You didn't tell me you were leaving! I went to the dance with my friends, and I had a good time." Jonas knows that he shouldn't have danced with all the girls, probably giving them false hope, but he was angry. "I was angry!"

"You still have a girlfriend! That doesn't mean you can go around feeling up other girls at dances! I don't care if you were angry, you could've just not gone!" The fact that the gossip was true, made Lennen sick to her stomach. She knew Jonas didn't go any farther, but it still hurt to think that he could have. 

"How do I know you're not doing anything with Duke? You seem to spend more time with him than me!" Her spending time with Duke had no correlation with what they were arguing about, and she doesn't know why Jonas would even bring him up.

"Duke has nothing to do this! We're friends and that's it! I would never do anything with him because I'm with you." It's starting to become clear that Jonas doesn't trust her, despite her giving him every reason to trust her. Lennen was always loyal because she knows how much emotional damage cheating can do to a person. "You don't trust me."

"You don't trust me!" 

"You're Jonas Costello, the biggest womanizer in the school. Everyone knows you cheated on Summer countless number of times during your relationship. Plus, you just proved to me that I can't trust you because you spent Friday night grinding with girls who weren't me, your girlfriend!" They had only been going out for a month, and they were already having a huge argument in the middle of school. 

"I never cheated on Summer! I may not have been happy during some of the relationship, but I never once cheated on her. I only dated her because I thought you would never go out with me. I've been in love with you since sophomore year and you never gave me a second glance."

"You're in love with me?" Lennen was shocked. Jonas was the last person she expected to be in love with her. 

"Ever since our first conversation. I saw you sitting on top of the stairs, writing in your notebook and I knew I had to know your name. I walked up to you and asked you your name. You told me that you were named Lennen, after John Lennon because your parents are the biggest Beatles fans. I told you my name was Jonas, after Jonas from The Giver. It's one of your favorite books, I knew that because as soon as I mentioned the book, your eyes lit up and you had the biggest smile on your face. That's when I fell in love with you." 

"I don't know what to say..." Lennen was in shock. She remembers that conversation, but she didn't remember it being with Jonas. She was invested in her rough draft of the article she was doing for the week. It was about how one of the seniors had gotten a music scholarship to Juilliard. 

She wasn't sure if she was in love with Jonas. She knew she liked him a lot, and she knew how fast she was falling for him, but it hasn't even been a month since they got together. It took her six months before she told Duke, he telling her the month before. This was all going to fast for her. 

"I know how fast I'm falling for you, Jonas, but I don't know if I'm in love with you. We've only been dating a month." She felt like she was rejecting him, but she just didn't know how deeply she felt for him.