Big Dreams 》Kim Namjoon

Ch 10- Sorry Mom

Yukiko's pov

I went home, with a frown. I opened the door to the house, "Yuki you home?" I heard mom's voice boom from the kitchen, "you didn't work today?" I walked into the kitchen setting my bag down. "No greetings? I came home early. Yuki, why the long face? Was there a bully at school?" Mom wiped her hands on the rag and came to hug me.

I closed my eyes inhaling her motherly smell, "Yukiko I think you're  sick." I remember what Nurse Kim oppa said. "Mom..." I quietly spoke into her chest, "Yes, Yuki?" I bit my lips before speaking, "do you hate me?" Mom pulled away from me with confusion her eyes, "Of course not, why would you say that?" She cupped my face in her slender hands, "Mom, I think I'm sick." Tears were already forming in my eyes, mom placed the back of her hand on my forehead.

"Yuki you don't seem... sick. Where are you hurting?" Mom examined me, "Mom... it's not that kind of sick." Mom stopped examining me and looked at me with confusion written across her face. "What kind of sick are you talking about Yuki, you're not sick you're my daughter." I was about to cry, please don't let a tear escape. "Mom, I'm sick. I hallucinate things thinking it's real and getting it the best of me. Mom this is getting serious, I am sick." Tears escaped from mom's eyes, shaking her head.

"It's true mom, I talked to Nurse Kim during voice therapy today. I told him about everything, when the hallucination started, why I wouldn't talk to you or play instruments. Mom everything is my fault." Mom hugged me, "It's not your fault, don't say that." I cried into mom's shoulder, "I'm sorry mom, I really am. I gave you hard times when you were trying to start a conversation, but I was afraid you would hate me. I stopped playing because I thought you would hate hearing me play." Mom caressed my head planting a kiss at the top of my head.

"Honey I missed you playing on the piano, the guitar, your composing you remind me so much of your father. I miss your father, but at I can see him through you. Your dad wouldn't want you to stop playing. We can get you better." I nodded sobbing harder, "I'm sorry mom." My voice cracked. After all the crying and hugging I explained to her about my hallucination and dreams. Mom was worried of course, really worried.

"We should go in and ask Dr. Kang tomorrow." Mom stood up and grabbed the phone to make an appointment with Dr. Kang. Tomorrow was the weekend, rest from school. I walked to the study room where the grand piano stood. "Yuki, I'm so disappointed in you. Why would you tell your mom? She's only faking it, deep down she hates your guts! Are you going to believe in me or your mom." I walked pass Mami-chan to stare out the window, the block was empty except a person who is walking their dog.

"Why should I believe you? You're just my hallucination. You can't tell me what to do, you don't scare me at all." I turn to look at Mami-chan. Her eyes were on fire, "Didn't you hear her! She said she sees your father in you, you're only making her hate you even more!" I dryly laughed shaking my head, "Thats where you're blind, you only see the evil side of that. I saw and felt the good side when she said it. She and I miss our father, but I still have the potential and my mother was right. My father wouldn't want me to stop playing."

I looked at Mami-chan her face turning red, "He's not that type of person to give up so easily, and I'm not going to let you get in the way to stop me. I will end this and make you disappear. You can't tell me what to do because you're just a damn hallucination from my mind." Mom came in making Mami-chan fume in fire as she disappeared. "We set the appointment for tomorrow at noon." I nodded my head, mom walked towards me giving me a side hug. "We're going to make you better. Can you play for mom?" She asked pulling away. I stare at the piano unsure, "Don't be afraid, I'm here and don't let the hallucination get the best of you. You know it's all made up from here." She pointed to her head, making me nod understanding.

I sat down, remembering the piece from this morning Yoongi played for me. I decided to play that for my mom. Mom and I talked at dinner, it's great to talk to her again. For once, I felt what I had wanted. The weight lifting off my shoulders. I did my homework and got ready for bed, I dried my hair with my towel and my eyes caught the guitar. I should start playing again or else my hands won't get used to it. I'll play it tomorrow.

I pulled the bed sheets over my body staring at the ceiling, today was the best day and I hope it continues on like this without my hallucination. I drifted off to sleep happy, but I wasn't happy in my dream. Instead of happy lala dreamland, it was more of a haunting dream.

Walking down the street to school it was still dark outside, meaning the sun has not risen yet. Yoongi and I planned to meet up every morning to play the piano in the music room. A blazing red orange color came from the school. "What the-" I ran to come to a halt in front of the school gates. The building was on fire! "Help! Help!" I heard Yoongi shout inside the building, "Yoongi!" I ran but the gates were closed not allowing me to enter the school.

"Yuki! Help us help us get out!" Namjoon shouted, "Namjoon, Yoongi I'm trying!" I shook the gates to open but no use. "It's too hot, get us out!!" Namjoon cried for help, I shook the gate to open, "I'm trying!" The heat from the fire burned my skin. "This is what you get for getting too close to them. Watch them burn and crumble down with music." Mami-chan stood next to me with a satisfied look. "Stop the fire, please stop the fire!!"

I looked at Mami-chan, then back to the burning school. "YUKI GET US OUT!" The rest of the boys screamed for help. "The people you love is going to burn because of you Yukiko." Mami-chan laughed and disappeared. I backed away from the gate, the people I love? MOM! I ran back home as fast as I could. The blazing orange ate the one and only house I knew. "Mom... MOM!!" I shouted over the burning house. "Why are you doing this? Why?" Mami-chan came back, "Just fall Yukiko."

I stare at her confused, "watch out Yu.ki.ko." Blazing head lights of a car came straight at me, honking continuously. I stood unable to move, dying your dream. Never thought I'd die in my dream. I close my eyes as the car came.

I gasped sitting up in a chair. "It's ok, it's ok." I put my hand up to my forehead panting. "It was a nightmare." I sat back licking my dry lips. "Was she in your dream?" Dr. Lee asked tapping his pen on his clipboard. I nodded, "everyone was... was burning." I exhaled a shaky sigh, "Everyone? What do you mean by everyone?" Dr. Lee asked, "The people... who are involved with... music and my mom." I stuttered on my words, making it sound stupid.

"People who are involved with music? Who might they be?" Dr. Lee seemed interested in these musically involved people. "They're my friends? I met at school on my first day. They told me they were debuting as a boy group." Dr. Lee nodded writing in his notepad. "I see rookies ah." I nodded. "I see the problem you're struggling with. You're having troubles of letting your father go, and you're still traumatized of the accident."

I looked down to my lap, "I thought, I thought I-I would let go of my father's death. Then how do you explain about the music? Why doesn't she let me play music again?" My eyebrows furrowed, "It's more like you're punishing yourself. You don't want to be reminded of the accident that caused your father's death. So, you punish yourself not to play or be reminded of music, that will haunt you." Dr. Lee explained.

"So, its me that I'm punishing myself? But what about the hallucination, Mami-chan? Or the little girl?" Dr. Lee straighten his back, "It's all in your head Yukiko. You said Mami-chan looked like you right?" I nodded, "It's you that is blocking it, you made Mami-chan." I look down understanding him. "Will it go away?" I quietly asked, "I'm sure it will, but I can't promise you it will completely go away. It's gonna take some time to make you better, so I prescribed you some medication." Dr. Lee pulled out a bottle of pills handing it to me.

"These pills will help set your mind on ease before you sleep. These will help with the nightmares." I took the bottle of pills. "I will see you in the next two weeks then." Dr. Lee sought me out of the door, mom stood up slinging her purse over her shoulder. "Thank you Dr. Lee." Mom shook his hands, "no problem Mrs. Tsuneko, I'll see in two weeks." Mom got in the car and drove off home.

"You will get better Yuki." Mom comforted me. "Thanks mom."

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TBC!

Sorry for a lame chapter. Hope you're having an awesome day loves!