Dark Secrets

Chapter 56:

  ~225 days until Jen's 21st birthday~

5 a.m. It's 5 a.m. and I've been up since midnight. I had fallen asleep for an hour in Draco's safe arms but woke up in cold sweats. I had dreamt that Pierce stood in front of me, choking Draco, and kept taunting me about how useless I was. I had stood there, begging him to stop, but he'd just laugh and repetitively say you can't do anything to save him. You are the reason he's dying. And then I saw the life leave his beautiful grey eyes and collapse.

That's when I woke up. I guess I didn't make a sound because when I woke up, Draco didn't. I was sad and relieved that he didn't. Sad because I really wanted him to comfort me—he always knew what to say to make me feel better. But I was also relieved because I don't want to worry him anymore. I could tell, by the way he looked at me, that he was worried. He was more worried about me than the fact that in a few months he could die. I wanted him to be worried about himself. I felt pathetic and weak every time I broke down in front of him but no more. I refused to break down anymore. I was putting my front back up and I was going to be me again.

I laid in bed for another hour before I decided to get up and shower before Draco woke up. I untangled myself from him and quietly got out of bed. I walked into the bathroom and shut the door. I switched on the lights and turned on the shower. I looked in the mirror, still seeing faint lines of the words that Pierce had left there and as the steam crawled across the glass I saw the lines disappear.

I shook my dark thoughts out of my head before stripping down and getting into the shower. I stood there for a while, just letting the water run over my body and wash away the feeling of ropes tightening around me and the feeling of Pierce's hands gripping my arms. If I closed my eyes I could see his furious face inches from mine—scrunched up eyebrows, wide furious eyes and teeth bared like a wild animal. It made me shudder. Fear starting closing around my heart so I quickly pushed the thought out of my mind before my wall fell apart again. My wall, at the moment, was made up of weak glue and broken blocks. I knew it was going to take a while to get it back to the steady, cement barrier it was but I had to do it, for Draco's sake.

The shower door opened and I nearly screamed but calmed down when I saw it was Draco. I worked up my best smile but, of course, he knew it was fake.

"Hey" He said, gently like he was approaching a cowering animal.

"Morning, sweetie." I smiled.

Draco smiled, softly. "How are you?"

"I'm good, great even. How about you?"

"Jen" Draco said, sounding unconvinced.

"It's true! Oh, while you're in here can you scrub my upper back. I can't quite reach it." I turned around and handed Draco the bar of soap.

"You're doing it again." Draco said but did as I asked.

"Doing what?" I asked, moving my hair away from my shoulders.

"Putting your walls up. We both know you're not okay and I don't want you to hide that from me."

"What about you?" I asked turning around to face him.

Draco looked surprised. "What about me?"

"How are you doing with all this? We've been focusing on my feelings for a week and I have no idea how you're doing."

"I'm fine." Draco said, unconvincingly.

I raised my eyebrow. "No, you aren't. You're the one that's putting up a front. Why won't you tell me how you're doing? I want to help you. You shouldn't be facing this on your own."